tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5051258436941012775.post5935174401125379266..comments2023-12-30T00:30:21.906-08:00Comments on The Hippie Housewife: Is it all a Lie?Hippie Housewifehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14718357472343295031noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5051258436941012775.post-48568781946890965252012-03-09T16:24:51.298-08:002012-03-09T16:24:51.298-08:00Thank you. Just found your blog and I'm inspi...Thank you. Just found your blog and I'm inspired :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5051258436941012775.post-75490172168108432372012-02-11T12:50:24.763-08:002012-02-11T12:50:24.763-08:00Thank you for writing this blog. It resonated wit...Thank you for writing this blog. It resonated with me on many levels. After years of community in an online group of friends {we connected on a parenting website when we were all pregnant with our first children}, I decided to be really transparent about an area where I was struggling. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined the path that conversation would ultimately take. To make a very long, emotionally damaging story short, several of the ladies {who I would've referred to as some of my closest friends, albeit only in the virtual world} began ripping me apart, limb by limb, accusing me of being judgmental and opinionated for sharing some of my choices {breastfeeding, choosing not to fully vaccinate, attachment parenting, not taking narcotic meds after a c-section because I didn't want to endanger my breastfeeding or bonding relationship with my newborn}. One gal even went as far as to say that I was "without tact". I was absolutely heartbroken, and it rocked me to the core of my being. In "real life", I had never been accused of being judgmental or opinionated. I really contemplated why, and determined two things: one, the written word can often be read in a different tone than it was originally intended; and two, perhaps I feel a greater freedom to share about my decisions when I'm writing {not getting interrupted every two sentences is empowering! ha!}. <br /><br />I love what mamapsalmist wrote about the "crunchy" choices being more research-based. I'd never thought about it that way. But yes- I have done tons of research about how I want to be a mom. So, when I make a decision, I feel a great deal of certainty {granted, any decision as a mom is subject to change at any given moment!}. Perhaps, then, when I share about a choice I've made, it comes across as being haughty or proud {in a negative way}, because I am so certain after doing hours of research.<br /><br />We all have the privilege and responsibility of doing our own research and making our own decisions. When reading about other people {especially other moms} and their choices, we would all do well {myself included} to refrain from assuming malicious intent. So hard.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11968118919720596650noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5051258436941012775.post-16468662664486392492012-02-07T20:49:19.787-08:002012-02-07T20:49:19.787-08:00Discovered your blog through the Introverted Churc...Discovered your blog through the Introverted Church website. Enjoyed this post and certainly resonated with many of your experiences and thoughts.<br /><br />"Does speaking my truth somehow mean that I am being inauthentic, simply because your own truth may be different?" This is such an important question.<br /><br />One scripture in particular comes to mind as I read your post: 1 Corinthians 12 - One body, many parts. We all have a different role and are going to have unique talents, interests, and experiences. <br /><br />This question hit home with me as I've been on both sides of infertility in particular. On the one hand, I remember how it felt to see friends upon friends posting pictures of bellies and babies. I think the feeling was a sorrowful joy. I always felt incredible happiness for my friends yet there was an underlying longing in my heart. Then, once we were blessed to carry a child to full term, of course, I wanted to share my experience, this time, with a cautious joy as I wanted to be sensitive to those in the boat I once sat in. <br /><br />Thanks for sharing!Erika Chttp://www.dwellintheland.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5051258436941012775.post-47612358737429069942012-02-06T09:53:57.418-08:002012-02-06T09:53:57.418-08:00I understand and agree with what you are saying. A...I understand and agree with what you are saying. As I've said, we should <i>all</i> choose our words with love and kindness. You make an interesting point about the "crunchy" community tending towards the research-based and therefore by its very nature coming across as more hard-and-fast when it comes to best choices. However, all of those ideas are tangential to the attitude I was writing about.<br /><br />I was writing about those who tear down other bloggers <i>simply because of the choices they make</i>. Not because they're one of the bloggers who writes about those choices in a condescending tone. Not because those bloggers put down others in their striving to be right about everything. Not because those bloggers imply or infer or straight-out say <i>anything</i> about those who make different choices than they do. Rather, simply because those bloggers <i>make</i> those choices and write about their lives.<br /><br />There is absolutely nothing kind about suggesting that a blogger must be lying or putting on a show simply because her life seems to be "too good" (heaven forbid any of us <i>enjoy</i> motherhood!). There is nothing defensible about mocking those who enjoy crafting or cooking or even childbirth. There is nothing encouraging or positive about a caustic post tearing down those who make alternative choices simply because those choices are different than your own. One person's choices has no bearing on the validity of your own.<br /><br />Writing about the <i>way</i> people share their choices is one thing; tearing down others simply for making those choices is another thing entirely.Hippie Housewifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14718357472343295031noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5051258436941012775.post-40665608386647160602012-02-06T08:21:30.774-08:002012-02-06T08:21:30.774-08:00Well spoken, Momma. (And yes, I'm pretty sure ...Well spoken, Momma. (And yes, I'm pretty sure we read the same thing as well!)Hippie Housewifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14718357472343295031noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5051258436941012775.post-33764236456029454222012-02-04T12:52:01.833-08:002012-02-04T12:52:01.833-08:00These are wonderful, wise words. :)These are wonderful, wise words. :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05659143242634568450noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5051258436941012775.post-7696875867604733292012-02-03T01:13:37.391-08:002012-02-03T01:13:37.391-08:00What a great entry. I couldn't agree with you ...What a great entry. I couldn't agree with you more! I remember after having my daughter (and actually before having her when we realized we'd be doing an induction) I didn't want to write in my online diary because of fear of being judged. Then when I had an epidural there was mixture of relief and then the desire to not share my birth with my diary community because I knew people would judge me. <br /><br />I am all for women making informed choices (I side with the natural and plan to hold out all the way to 42 wks next time around) but the point is one shouldn't have those fears. You shouldn't be afraid your 'friends' are going to be negative and judge you for a choice you made.Kayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13169767757479816137noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5051258436941012775.post-54531305633717661792012-02-02T19:36:49.368-08:002012-02-02T19:36:49.368-08:00I’ve seen this from both sides. I see moms who are...I’ve seen this from both sides. I see moms who are very “traditional” offended by the “crunchy” moms, and I see “crunchy” moms offended by “traditional” moms. As I started my journey into gentle parenting, I could not read posts about spanking, because all of my doubts came rushing back and I worried that my kids would grow up into horrible monsters if I didn’t spank them. Then as I became confident in my non-spanking stance and started dealing with the pain from my own childhood, it physically and emotionally hurt to read posts that were positive towards spanking. Now I can read them and I’m OK, but I still have to be careful. I’ve had a similar journey with homeschooling stuff, I follow moms who homeschool, and I enjoy reading about their enthusiasm. But every so often I stop following a blog after they write several posts aggressively defending homeschooling as the only loving choice and how anyone who send their kids to school is brainwashed or whatever, because I was brought up believing that homeschooling was the only way, and it is still hard for me to think of sending my kids to school, even though I know it is the best option for us. All that to say, there are bloggers out there who write very aggressively positive posts on their own choices or scathing critiques of others choices, and it is up to me as the reader to decide what feeds me. I am not afraid to un follow someone whom it hurts me to read. And you have never been one of those bloggers. Thank you for your encouragement.Melissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13674332089949439989noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5051258436941012775.post-50621883941002474212012-02-02T18:40:45.084-08:002012-02-02T18:40:45.084-08:00Right on!Right on!Aleishahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00490616752707881730noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5051258436941012775.post-13369635727787845952012-02-02T16:39:23.221-08:002012-02-02T16:39:23.221-08:00No, you are totally right. Not all crunchy mama b...No, you are totally right. Not all crunchy mama bloggers do it. That attitude is prevalent in any group of people. My theory behind why crunchy mamas have gotten so tied up in it is this:<br />Attachment Parenting, Natural Birth, Breastfeeding, all these theories and systems are research based. Usually correlational, not causal, but research based nonetheless. So our language *does* (IMO) tend toward the certain. The definite. XYZ is the best choice. When really, XYZ is the best choice for you (or me) given a specific set of circumstances.<br /><br />The relationship between implications and inferences has long been a tricky one. The significance and relevance of authorial intent has long been debated. This world of blogging brings about such an immediacy to the conversation that I think our tone and words choices become MUCH more difficult to regulate. It is so, so much easier to pop out a blog post without noticing the way it sounds to people listening from a different perspective.<br /><br />Do you remember those facebook messages that were supposed to bring about breast cancer awareness? The ones that said "I'm 9 weeks and craving chocolate!" People who were struggling with infertility were hurt over and over and over. The people posting those messages didn't mean anything by it, but people *were* hurt. I truly think that a lot of bloggers are doing the same things. Unintentionally, but successfully. <br /><br />The AP community may just be one population that happens to be a target right now, but we're also guilty of having committed those sins. Individuals maybe not, but as a whole I do think our rhetoric has taken that tone. As more individuals become aware of it and working to do better, our rhetoric will change and likely our reputation will follow.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5051258436941012775.post-29306240278086116962012-02-02T10:59:17.322-08:002012-02-02T10:59:17.322-08:00I really enjoyed this post. Reading other blogs ha...I really enjoyed this post. Reading other blogs has really opened my eyes to new ideas and challenges me to consider new viewpoints and to truly analyze my own goals and desires within motherhood in order to ensure that I am being the mother that I want to be and not just the blogger I just read. It can be a new kind of peer pressure! But, I'd like to think that blogs are a way to encourage thought and a deeper understanding of one's goals. If you are truly offended by ideas in someone's blog and feel it a personally attack, then you are free to tell them so! And, I hope you do! I never imagined I would enjoy blogging or reading other blogs as I am typically a quite person, but I have found they are a completely new way for me to educate and express myself. Certainly not a lie!Amy Ghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16543146353404427158noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5051258436941012775.post-7520904783188196572012-02-02T05:39:42.782-08:002012-02-02T05:39:42.782-08:00Thank you for this really fantastic post! You spea...Thank you for this really fantastic post! You speak for so many of us so well <3I Thought I Knew Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07455472180040349212noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5051258436941012775.post-53158084360440781152012-02-02T03:02:50.089-08:002012-02-02T03:02:50.089-08:00Whilst not a mom this spoke to my soul in a differ...Whilst not a mom this spoke to my soul in a different way. I just had a moment reading this where I realized "I needed to hear this today."Tatianahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16627175994362924285noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5051258436941012775.post-71375260789668817732012-02-01T22:09:36.522-08:002012-02-01T22:09:36.522-08:00I don't think I ever explicitly said either wa...I don't think I ever explicitly said either way, until now. I don't think you missed anything :) it's a good example of this exact conversation, though -- we live in the highest ranked county school system in the state, and the state is ranked highest in the country. Arguably, our kids could get the very best public education the USA has to offer, and we spend thousands of dollars to send her elsewhere. Some people truly don't understand that choice, and criticize it. But our choice is ours to make -- Judaism is a communal religion, almost impossible to practice alone, and also faces astounding rates of assimilation, and so we immerse her (and one day, her sibs). And it's only money, right? :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5051258436941012775.post-43047922687826516102012-02-01T21:54:27.595-08:002012-02-01T21:54:27.595-08:00Oh, how I love this. Thank you for crafting such a...Oh, how I love this. Thank you for crafting such a thoughtful post and focusing on kindness. You have written what I have been thinking, although more eloquently. (Also, I'm pretty sure we may have read the same post recently. Just guessing.) I, too, love the ER quote a previous commenter included; I have it posted on my personal FB page, thinking of adding it to my blog as well. Thanks again for a wonderful post. It's encouraging to read other writing mothers and see their perspective. I don't feel intimidated, or inadequate, or offended, even when it's something I disagree with. I feel inspired. I feel moved to do things differently, or a renewed confidence in doing things my own way. I could go on, but I hear wee voices . . .Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5051258436941012775.post-63075422724135472212012-02-01T17:13:55.683-08:002012-02-01T17:13:55.683-08:00Ack! Look at me, not paying close enough attention...Ack! Look at me, not paying close enough attention. Correction made (thank you!).<br /><br />I do, though, very much remember those early weeks, feeling your pain during that difficult time of adjustment for her. It was amazing to watch her journey to the other side of that, and I am grateful that you shared that with your readers.Hippie Housewifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14718357472343295031noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5051258436941012775.post-75187669850300578392012-02-01T17:01:27.273-08:002012-02-01T17:01:27.273-08:00Oh, my friend! I wa reading along and nodding and ...Oh, my friend! I wa reading along and nodding and thinking to myself 'sing it, sister!' and 'this is exactly why I write out my imperfect life - because we need to share our imperfections maybe even more than our pure successes' and imagine my surprise when I found my own name right there in your serenade!!??!!<br /><br />I'm humbled. Thank you.<br /><br />(A small correction, though: my eldest isn't in public school -- she's in a private Jewish school. We want her learning the words of Torah and our prayers in Hebrew, just as I was fortunate to do as a child and my husband wished to have learned them.)<br />(But- I believe very much in the public school system, and I'll tell you that during the early weeks, when the transition to school was still challenging us, I considered ditching my career to homeschhol her. I believe that a healthy community is based on the foundation of healthy families, and we each need to decide what's best for our own kids, and also support each other's decisions. And that's why I believe in the good of a supportive blogging community, and why I enjoy reading you, despite some fundamental differences between us.)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5051258436941012775.post-73017546679279440032012-02-01T13:57:31.103-08:002012-02-01T13:57:31.103-08:00Oh yes. What a perfect way to phrase it.
Can I al...Oh <i>yes</i>. What a perfect way to phrase it.<br /><br />Can I also say what an encouragement it is to read blogs from mamas like you who have been there and come out on the other side with a healthy relationship with their grown children? I so appreciate the life experience behind your words.Hippie Housewifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14718357472343295031noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5051258436941012775.post-62645965128109349982012-02-01T13:53:04.651-08:002012-02-01T13:53:04.651-08:00That right there is exactly what I mean. "......That right there is exactly what I mean. <i>"...the way crunchy mama bloggers discuss their choices."</i> All of them? Truly? They all discuss their choices in rude and condescending ways? And this is something that remains solely the domain of "crunchy mama bloggers"; non-crunchy bloggers never do the same thing? ("I'm giving birth in a hospital, of course, because I would never endanger my babies life by giving birth at home...")<br /><br />Choosing to speak words that tear people down is indeed a sin. But sharing our reasons for our choices is not tearing people down. Must we truly all keep our reasons to ourselves because someone else might read into them an implication that doesn't exist? I would have missed out on a lot of important insight - from crunchy and non-crunchy mamas alike - if they hadn't (politely, gently, non-condescendingly) shared the reasons behind their decisions. Whether or not I ultimately come to the conclusion that I agree with their reasons, the information and subsequent self-examination is immensely useful.<br /><br />We should <i>all</i> speak words of love and kindness. We should <i>all</i> understand that one person's choices - and reasons behind those choices - are not implying a criticism of our own different choices. Crunchy or not has nothing to do with it.Hippie Housewifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14718357472343295031noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5051258436941012775.post-73215298141178857972012-02-01T13:49:47.381-08:002012-02-01T13:49:47.381-08:00We are not just idealizing lofty platitudes. We a...We are not just idealizing lofty platitudes. We are talking about ideals that we strive for. If we do not set ideals for how we should raise our families and live our lives, what then? Bloggers who share their ideals, in whatever sense, are constantly undergoing examinations of conscience...where could I improve, how could I deal with this better...it is a constant calling back to the ideal. Thank you for the post.Practicing Mammalhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04274507983353868813noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5051258436941012775.post-46458291872685898962012-02-01T13:38:35.507-08:002012-02-01T13:38:35.507-08:00A peace junkie - I love that. Yes, it's so tru...A peace junkie - I love that. Yes, it's so true, isn't out? Our boundaries are up to us. We choose what we will and will not take on. One woman's choices do not have to become our own if that's not what we want in our lives.Hippie Housewifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14718357472343295031noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5051258436941012775.post-55142701360022502312012-02-01T13:36:36.214-08:002012-02-01T13:36:36.214-08:00Oh, so well said, Leah. Thank you. That's it e...Oh, so well said, Leah. Thank you. That's it exactly.Hippie Housewifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14718357472343295031noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5051258436941012775.post-793365531614710402012-02-01T13:35:34.920-08:002012-02-01T13:35:34.920-08:00Wonderful quote. Thank you for sharing.Wonderful quote. Thank you for sharing.Hippie Housewifehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14718357472343295031noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5051258436941012775.post-88929499493102438462012-02-01T13:29:17.250-08:002012-02-01T13:29:17.250-08:00The problem is the WAY crunchy mamas bloggers disc...The problem is the WAY crunchy mamas bloggers discuss their choices. Saying you're having a homebirth and you're excited about it doesn't put me down, saying you're having a hoembirth because you love your children and don't want them to be born all drugged up DOES put down someone who's had an epidural. The insinuations made, intentional or not, matter. "I feed my children organic food because I love them." DOES imply that people who feed their kids conventional food don't love their children. It's rude. It's condescending. And it's really getting old.<br /><br />It's true that no one can make you feel anything. But it's also true that our words and language matter. They send messages to people. You can choose to hear or not hear that message, and you can choose to apply it to yourself or to not apply that same message. But what you choose to do with the message has no bearing on whether or not it was sent. Making implications about other people is rude. I choose not to read blogs of people who do that. <br /><br />I have a tendency to use language that is riddled with implications. It's a struggle, and I am working on it. But I fully accept my responsibility for the language I choose. And choosing to speak words that tear people down is my sin. It is wrong. And I will not pretend that it's the listeners fault for hearing something I said.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5051258436941012775.post-84418316919285405172012-02-01T12:39:17.854-08:002012-02-01T12:39:17.854-08:00Deep sigh.... There was a movie quite a few years ...Deep sigh.... There was a movie quite a few years ago- before "blogs". It was about the lives of a few women. One of the women was suicidal & did in kill herself in the movie, the actress was JulieAnn Moore. I'm trying to think of the name of the movie...... Anyway- there were many people that DID NOT like the movie and there were others that LOVED it.... It's all about our different perceptions and experiences and attitudes that shape who we are. I became a single mother of nine children when my oldest was 14. It was completely hideous!!!!! I completely lost my mind!!!! I became homicidal and suicidal. Luckily no one perished. Six years later I unexpectedly had another baby.... She reminded me of who I really was. So, six years later- I am still essentially the person I always was.... But my perception and attitudes have greatly shifted. The "things" that I thought were "SO IMPORTANT" aren't nearly as important as I thought they were..... I still like the colour pink and adore my children. Just my perception and opinion- "Life is never easy!! But, it does not have to be as hard as I can make it!!" I'm a peace junkie now. Only five children at home now. Still single. I still struggle with moments of depression. I try to keep my life as simple as possible. I know how to say no without feeling guilty (well, sometimes) and I know my boundaries. Bottom line, it is up to me to decide what I will and will not do.Dinanoreply@blogger.com