Dear potential landlords

My name is not "sweetheart".

Not showing up for our appointment? Very uncool.

Being polite goes a long way when it comes to finding future tenants.

It might not kill you to make the place look liveable before advertising it for rent.

A fresh coat of paint does wonders.

Holes in the wall are not an attractive feature.

Bedrooms should have at least one tiny little window in them. Makes it easier to get out if there's a fire.

Yards are not dumps. They are also the first thing a potential tenant sees as he walks to the door. Just, you know, first impressions and all.

If I'd hesitate to even put food in your cupboards, you probably shouldn't describe them as "new cupboards".

Scrub your bathtub. Just a suggestion. Oh, and that thingie beside your toilet has a purpose. It's called cleaning out the toilet bowl. The toilet bowl should not look like an ash tray.

Okay, so that water spot on the kitchen floor is from a "previous flood". And so is that one in the bathroom. And the light fixture falling out of the ceiling is from the upstairs washer flooding. I appreciate the honesty. But maybe you need to fix your many flooding issues before renting the house out.

Your dogs that "hardly ever bark" barked for 30 minutes straight while we waited for you. For 30 minutes. In the freezing cold. At 8:00 at night. With my 2 year old.

Laundry facilities belong indoors. Not out back in your shed. Oh, and you should probably put a door on that shed sometime. Either that, or save up for the repair bill when your pipes burst.

TYPING IN ALL CAPS DOES NOT A GOOD AD MAKE. Bad grammar and poor spelling don't help either.

You and I have very different opinions on what the word "spacious" means.

Sometimes it is more appropriate to tear the house down rather than attempt to find a tenant.

Sincerely,
Potential tenant (or not)