I need you because sometimes I forget.
I forget that relationship trumps all, that all the compliance in the world is meaningless in the absence of love.
I forget that my children are not intentionally manipulative and bent on defiance.
I forget gentleness.
I forget.
I need you because you help me stay focused in a world that is telling me obedience is the focus, the goal, and the prize.
I need you, gentle mothers and fathers, to keep me strong when temptation calls. It would be so much easier - so easy - to use force and dominance to get my way. MY will be done.
I need you, gentle Christians, to encourage me when I feel alone. Remind me that I'm not the only one who loves God and believes with my whole heart that He would never have me strike my children to gain their obedience.
I need you, like-minded people, to bring peace to my confused thoughts. Yes, yes...that's right. I remember now.
I need you, not-so-like-minded people, for your knowledge and wisdom and grace. Our differences need not divide us when we assume the best in each other, knowing that we're all just muddling through as best we can. I don't have all the answers and I will never be right about everything. Your mocking and criticism hurts; I would value, however, your friendship.
I need you, online friends and mentors, intangible and yet so very present. I need you when those I can see and feel and touch would pull me away from what I know to be right and good and true.
I need you when I am in the valley, yes, but I need you when I am on the mountaintop too. The view may be clearer up there but God knew that we would need others to walk with us on this journey.
I need you. I need your support when I feel weak, your reminders when I forget, and your friendship throughout it all.
I need you.
Perhaps, if you have not yet done so, you would take this opportunity to introduce yourself? Who are you? What brings you here? What needs do you have? If there is anything you'd like to share, I would love to hear it.
Oh, ME TOO! I forget so easily. <3 I am so grateful for you in my life!
ReplyDeleteHi, I'm Arin -- I am soon to be single mother to my 15 week old miracle baby girl Lilyan Gwen...I helped her father raise his two children (my so to say step-children) for 5.5 yrs and sadly I need more mothers like you in my life. I am a hippie mama, trying to live a healthy life and raise my child in the most positive attached parenting style I can! I wear my baby girl and I am saving up to switch from disposables to cloth. I am here to learn and love and enjoy being inspired by a mother like yourself. If only I had a Daddy like you, but that is ok, I have my sweet child. Thank you for your writings, I love reading them <3
ReplyDeleteI'm Tina and I found my way here back when we were on the pg.org birth board together. I need the quiet moment of peace I get from reading your blog and the reassurance that though I am doing things differently, I'm not doing them wrong. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteDulce, you have been such a blessing and source of encouragement for me!
ReplyDeleteArin, I am so glad you are here. I hope I can be a support and encouragement to you. Thank you so much for sharing your story. <3
ReplyDeleteTina, I'm so glad to know you're here! It can be hard to be the one doing things differently; I'm glad you find reassurance here. Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteHmm, you raise interesting questions. I read you because I find your peace brings me peace. It's interesting, though, because I'm Jewish- and there are several Christian bloggers I continue to read for the peace, even though I have to skip over the doctrine that delivers that peace because it makes me uncomfortable. Is that strange?
ReplyDeleteThis is so beautifully worded! I'm here for nearly all of the reasons you posted, and I'm so thankful to the incredible online community of gentle parents, of which you are definitely a part, for keeping me on a path that is in line with my intentions. Thank you for helping me remember to parent my sweet girl with gentleness. xo
ReplyDeleteHi, I'm Gabi. I live in a little village in Uganda, East Africa. I am called to spend my life here loving the people around me and especially the daughters He's given to me. My first two will come home with me this Saturday and that is what led me to discover your blog! Love to you from a sister!
ReplyDeleteI found your blog through a friend. I am a Christian hippie AP mama who lives in the suburbs of southern california. I have a 17 month old and a 2 month old, which is a wonderful journey but hard sometimes. My mom passed away 3 months ago when I was 36 weeks pregnant and I often feel heavy with grief. I appreciate your blog, thanks for giving me the opportunity to introduce myself.
ReplyDeleteI hear you sister! Found your blog through API :) I am a Christian doctor turned SAHM to do some serious AP on my son for now. Finding your site is such a blessing. Thank you so much!
ReplyDeleteHi I'm Tatiana I'm here because we go waaaaaay back. So way back that I'm afraid if I mention how long we will both appear old ;)
ReplyDeleteHi--My name's Amanda and I have a daughter Sky who will be 3 in December. I just found your blog today when I felt so frustrated and had to go online to find some alternative to losing my cool. You are like a calming breath. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteI need support from like-minded friends, and that is why I love your blog!
ReplyDeleteHi, I'm Kirstin, a APing Christian mama-to-a-toddler from Alberta Canada. I can't remember how I first found you, but I'm thankful for your gentle reminders of why I strive towards a different kind of responsive and engaged parenting. Thanks for your words.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post, Cynthia! I couldn't agree more. Me, too.
ReplyDeleteHi! I'm kimberly, SAHM to my amazing 4 month old. I've been reading your blog since before he was born. I found your blog through your post on punishment. I've learned so much from you. I too want to raise my son in a gentle, loving, kind to the earth way. I find that I have very similiar ideals as you. You bring me a few moments of peace each time you post. I will comment more, I promise! :)
ReplyDeleteRobin, what an intriguing response. Not strange at all, I don't think, but very interesting nonetheless! I'm so glad you're here.
ReplyDeleteMelissa, I am so happy to be a part of that community. I don't know where I'd be without the support and reminders it offers!
ReplyDeleteGabi, what a beautiful story you must have! Many blessings to you as you begin the journey with your first two.
ReplyDeleteJen, thank you for sharing that piece of your heart. I can only imagine the grief of losing a parent, and especially at that time in your life. How fun it will be for your daughters to be so close in age as they grow - but quite hectic in the meantime, I'll bet!
ReplyDeleteLei, what an interesting perspective you must have! So glad you are here.
ReplyDeleteOh Tatiana, please don't even calculate it. When I got my car insurance after moving to a new province a couple years ago, they asked if any of the drivers had been driving for 10 years. I scoffed and went to say no before realizing that yes, yes indeed, we had both been driving for more than a decade. Ouch.
ReplyDeleteI am so ridiculously glad to have reconnected with you. :)
Amanda, that is so encouraging to hear. I am so glad you were able to find the resources you needed. My mother-in-law often laments the lack of resources she had available when she was raising children; I am so grateful for the collective wisdom of my ever-growing online community.
ReplyDeleteEden, I'm right there with you! I appreciate your insights as well.
ReplyDeleteKirsten, so glad to meet you. Thank you for that encouragement; I am glad you are here.
ReplyDeleteSarah, that means so very much coming from you. :) Thank you.
ReplyDeleteKimberly, thank you for sharing those words; it is nice to meet you! I am so glad you find peace here.
ReplyDeleteHi there,
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure whether my comment got lost into the internet or if I caused offence and so you didn't publish it. If I did I am sorry. My intention was only to thank you for the wise advice you've shared on your blog which has been helpful for me, coming from quite a different background.
Feel free not to publish this one, I'm just really writing it as a note to you.
Kind regards,
Bronwyn
Bronwyn, I haven't ever deleted or refused to publish any comments that I can recall. I've checked my comment spam folder and yours isn't there, so unfortunately it must be a case of having gotten lost somehow. I'm sorry I didn't receive it, especially since it sounds very intriguing. I am glad to hear my words have been helpful; thank you for that encouragement. I would be interested in hearing more about your background if you wanted to share.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't have said it better. :) Why is it so easy to feel like our babies are being manipulative? I too, forget, and am thankful for fellow gentle Christian parents like you!
ReplyDeleteAh, sorry - must be my dodgy internet connection! Perhaps it's because I live in Tasmania :)
ReplyDeleteAnyway, in my lost comment I mentioned that I'm stay at home mum to my 2 year,4month-old girl and 8 month old boy and loving it. But it's been challenging especially since baby boy arrived and my little girl turned two.
I must confess I'm not much of a hippy... (probably running from my hippy childhood!). But I was looking for alternatives for dealing with my toddler as I found time out and smacking just wasn't working (for her and for me).
I am a christian and I guess what I'm looking for is practical advice and wisdom on ways to parent my kids under God, with my husband leading our family.
I have a great deal of respect for what I guess you might term non-permissive attachment parenting. I think it takes a great deal more work, self control and patience! But I find it hard to implement though and sometimes I feel concerned that everything is revolving around the kids... that's not a general criticism, just a personal observation.
Well, this long and rambly comment is pretty much what I said originally, just longer and more rambly. I think the most helpful things for me would be advice on helping my toddler deal with her emotions (we've just started trying "time-in" as advocated in Children Are People Too by Louise Porter... but I don't feel it's been working very well yet). And also I love hearing about the everyday practicalities of teaching and gently disciplining toddlers as this is all new to me.
Thanks again for you blog and thanks for the invitation to introduce myself :)
Oh, something more I thought of... I don't know if this is just me, but often I find that whilst I'm trying to be patient I'm actually quietly going crazy and whilst I'm trying to be gentle I can feel the tension, dare I say it, rage even... building inside. I guess at the moment whilst I'm trying to find what suits us/me I'm particularly conflicted (I feel parenting advice from both ends of the spectrum so often comes with a lot of emotional/guilt inducing baggage) But something I've been struggling with is how to be firm, wise and loving and how to be flexible but not end up being bitter when I feel like my kids are walking all over me. Anyway, perhaps it would be helpful to hear how others deal with their own emotions as parents.
Hi, my name is Melissa W. and if not for meeting you on here I would not be the mother I am today. I found your blog just after my daughter was born and she is now 9 mths old! She is a great joy to me! I am the only one in my church (that I know of) who does not believe in spanking (anymore). They all have read the "To Train Up a Child" book and back it up wholeheartedly. Anyway, I am very thankful for you.
ReplyDeleteAh, Theresa, I so wish I had an answer for that! I am glad to have met you and others like you.
ReplyDeleteMelissa, what a joy to read about your experience with your daughter. I pray your excellent example will draw others in your church towards a more gentle way of raising their children.
ReplyDeleteBron, thank you so much for sharing your story. I hope you find the practical advice and wisdom you are looking for, both here and elsewhere.
ReplyDeleteDealing with your own emotions as a parent is so vital. I am often overwhelmed with the growth I still need to undertake in myself. It has been helpful to me to question why I react the way I do - is it a need for power and control? a feeling of helplessness? something else? What is the base feeling behind my anger? Dealing with that cause is more effective than simply trying to manage the anger that results.
If you haven't read it already, my post on Gentle Discipline for Toddlers may be of help to you. Best wishes to you as you continue your journey.