Memories of Birth: Calm Amidst the Storm

Welcome to the June 2012 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Embracing Your Birth Experience

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have written about at least one part of their birth experience that they can hold up and cherish.
_____________________

With the newest little one's arrival quickly approaching, I find myself thinking more about what his or her birth will be like. Will it be the gradual unfolding that was my first son's birth? Will it be fast and crazy like the unexpected arrival of our second? I imagine it being somewhere in between, but then when do our children's births go quite the way we imagined they would?

Despite their births not being quite what I pictured - the first because I didn't know what to expect, and the second because who could expect that? - I have fond memories of each of them. And with each, there is one moment that stands out from the rest.

Labouring in Confidence

My oldest was delivered naturally in a teaching hospital, as witnessed by an unexpectedly large crowd of residents and nurses who wanted to observe what was for them a rare opportunity, a woman birthing without the use of pain medication. His labour was 10 hours long, with half spent at home and the second half in the hospital. It was during the five hours I laboured at home that one memory particularly stands out.

When my contractions began at one o'clock in the morning, I quietly moved out of our bed and settled myself on the floor with my laptop and a book. I tracked my contractions on my laptop while attempting to concentrate on Cornelia Funke's Inkspell. I had adored the first book in her Inkheart trilogy but just couldn't seem to get into this second one. I spent the next three hours like this, getting up when I needed to stretch or use the washroom.

Around four o'clock in the morning, I remember sitting there feeling a wonderfully peaceful sense of calm confidence. I felt intimately connected with this child who was about to make me a mother. The city was asleep; it was just the two of us there labouring together in the silence of the predawn morning. His delivery was getting closer. My body was doing what it needed to. I was content to wait and breathe through the continuing unfolding.

It was then that one of our cats ran through the room and across the bed, waking up the soon-to-be daddy. He saw me sitting there on the floor and asked what I was doing. I'm in labour, I replied, but I'm doing fine. Go back to sleep.

Five years later, he still teases me about that. 'Go back to sleep,' he scoffs. As if I could go back to sleep and leave you labouring on the floor by yourself. And a good thing, too, as it was not long after he awoke that the contractions intensified and I began to need both his emotional and physical support. It was the excruciatingly painful drive to the hospital two hours later - easily the worst part of the entire labour, delivery included - that first made me consider the idea of a homebirth for any subsequent children.

Cherishing the Peace

We did indeed end up planning a homebirth the second time around, although fortunately my reasons for choosing one had by then extended far beyond simply avoiding the painful drive to the hospital. I looked forward to his birth, picturing low lights and quiet music as I laboured in our tub with my husband, son, and midwife close by.

Reality, however, was a far different picture. This child would have been born at home whether I'd planned for it or not, so fast and unexpected was his birth. One contraction-filled week past his estimated due date, I ignored some more mild contractions in favour of going to bed. I went into the bathroom to get ready, but was instead hit with a sudden hot flash and an excruciatingly intense contraction that broke my water. Thinking that the labour process was finally beginning, I called for my husband to phone the midwife and let her know.

While he was on the phone, a second intense contraction hit. Immediately after calling for my mother-in-law to prepare the tub, I realized that it was wholly unnecessary; the baby had just descended through the birth canal and I could feel his head beginning to emerge. I managed to get myself onto the floor on my knees, leaning on the bathtub, as the rest of the head pushed through. By this point, the midwife had instructed my husband to hang up and phone 911.

One more intense contraction and the rest of the baby was delivered into my mother-in-law's hands. (I don't think she has quite yet fully forgiven me for this. She was there to watch our older child, not to deliver a baby, and hadn't even wanted to be in the room when it happened! Poor woman.)

If things had been crazy up to that point, they were about to get even crazier. The paramedics arrived. The firefighters arrived. Two very large paramedics crowded into our very small bathroom. This wasn't what I had envisioned! Where was the soft music? the peaceful quiet? my midwife??? Instead I was on my knees in my now very messy bathroom, trying to ward off a nervous paramedic who wanted me to lay down, of all things, on the cold hard bathroom floor.

And then the moment happened. The paramedics stepped out of the bathroom. My husband and mother-in-law were busy talking with them. It was just me and my new son, alone together at last. I looked him over, adoring him and his newborn perfection. There you are, I thought. It's good to finally see you. I felt another small contraction and my body delivered the placenta in the quiet peace of that room. I savoured the calm for another moment, gaze locked with that of the pink baby in my arms. Through all the craziness, I hadn't yet let him go.

Then I allowed the moment to pass. I called the paramedics back in to let them know that the placenta was here and I was ready for them now, but I carried that quiet peace with me until, at long last, everyone was gone and we had settled into the familiar comfort of our silent bedroom. The craziness was over and we were now a family of four.

Wild child

They say the third child's birth is a wild card; personally, I think they're all wild cards. We plan for this one to be born at home with our midwife present, but things will happen the way they happen. Que sera, sera. I don't know what this child's birth will be like, but I know that however it happens - fast or slow, gradual or unexpected, at home or in a hospital - there will be one such moment to hold onto and cherish.
_____________________

Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• I Had A C-Section. So What! — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama rewrites her birth story now that she has worked through the feelings of inadequacy and disappointment of not having the “perfect” birth.
• The Perfect Birth — Kellie at Our Mindful Life reflects on how a birth can be far from what we imagined, but still perfect.
• Own Your Birth: My Hope For All Expectant Moms — Andrea at Tales of Goodness shares how she owned her birth spiritually (while navigating it physically) in order to have a joyous experience.
• Carnival of Natural Parenting: My Birth Experience — It wasn't what Lily at Witch Mom wanted, but it was everything she needed.
• The Painless Natural Homebirth of BabyE — Shannon at GrowingSlower wants women considering natural birth to know painless births are possible.
• Reflections on Jemma's Birth ... 20 Months Later — It took a second pregnancy for That Mama Gretchen to fully embrace her first birth experience.
• Loving My Unnatural Birth Experience — Erika at Cinco de Mommy cherishes her very first birth experience, in all its unnatural glory!
• Be Careful What you Wish for in Birth — Amber at Strocel.com had two births, and it was the one that went to plan that she struggled with embracing.
• Redeeming an unexpected hospital transfer — Lauren at Hobo Mama looks back at her first, interrupted home-turned-hospital birth, and finds the beauty in what happened.
• All of it — Laura from Pug in the Kitchen had to learn to embrace the whole experience of birth even though it meant being naked . . . with an audience.
• Birthing Dreams & Realities — Momma Jorje never had a "dream birth," but she wouldn't change a thing about her births.
• Memories of Birth: Calm Amidst the Storm — While neither of her children's births had been quite what she expected, Cynthia at The Hippie Housewife cherishes one moment in particular from each of her birth experiences.
• Embracing Our Birth Stories — Luschka from Diary of a First Child shares a sensitive post on her recent birth which both did and didn't go 'to plan', and writes about the journey of coming to terms with the good and the bad.
• Two Beautiful Births — Sheila at A Gift Universe remembers how her mother brought out the beauty in each of her children's births, and tries to do the same with her sons' birth stories.
• Embracing My Supernatural ChildBirth Experiences... — Jenny at I'm a full-time mummy shares her fond memories on both her supernatural childbirth experiences
• Embracing the Hospital Birth Experience — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction believes that sometimes a medicated, induced hospital birth is the right choice for a natural parent.
• Carnival: Embracing Your Birth Experience — Stephanie at The Other Baby Blog embraces the birth experience from a paleobiologist's point of view and takes a look at how humans defy their anatomy.
• Reflections on My First Birth and Preparing for a Second — Abbie at Farmer's Daughter shares the strength she didn't realize she had until she gave birth to her son.
• becoming a mama - embracing my birth experience — Meegs at A New Day remembers the birth of her daughter Gwenivere, and the empowered feeling it left her with.
• What About Us? A Poem About Birth — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment shares a poem she wrote about healing from an unexpected and emotionally painful birth experience.
• Be a Man: One Father's View of Birth — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children shares her husband's advice to other fathers and partners.
• A Birth Monologue — Kat at MomeeeZen shares a monologue she wrote during the process of healing from her birth experiences.
• Forgiveness: My Birth Journey — Leah at The Crunchy Farm Baby discusses what happens when her planned homebirth doesn't end up the way she wanted, and explains her journey of forgiving herself for losing that "perfect" birth.
• Patching together a perfect birth — KrissyFair at Think Mama, Think learned that sometimes a perfect birth happens in pieces.
• Celebrating and Sharing the Possibilities of Perfect Birth — Terri from Child of the Nature Isle joyfully shares details of her perfect births and wishes to inspire a more positive cultural expectation about birth.
• Instinct - Embracing Your Birth Experience — Laura at Laura's Blog reflects on instinctual moments during and after the births of her two daughters.
• I was Foolish Then — ANonyMous at Radical Ramblings describes how foolish lack of preparation for childbirth led to a feeling of powerlessness and fear, but that in the end she had her baby in her arms, and that's one thing she can celebrate.
• Sometimes no plan is the best plan — Tat at Mum in search contemplates that maybe she doesn't need a birth plan for her upcoming birth.
• Disturbing the peace — Kenna at Million Tiny Things thought she would be a calm, quiet baby-haver. Ha!
• Accepting the Unexpected During Birth — Emily at S.A.H.M i AM imagined herself laboring on a birthing ball but she never imagined where she'd really be most comfortable when the time came...
• Sacred This Time, Too — Kimber at The Single Crunch learned enough to know that the way she birthed wasn't they way she wanted to; but she also knew to enjoy it for what it was.
• The Birth Partner: A Great Natural Labor Companion — Justine at The Lone Home Ranger thinks that the secret to her pleasant natural labors was having a great support system.
• the Best Thing About My Labor Experience — Crunchy Con Mommy realizes that amidst all the things that seemed to go wrong with her labor, the love and support of her husband was the one thing she could always count on!
• Your Birth Was My Favorite — Dulce de leche describes some of the highlights from each of her four births and explains why despite the differences, they are all her favorites.
• Birth Story: Part One - Moon on a Stick! — Gentle Mama Moon tells the first part of her birth story to share some of the delight of labouring at home.
• Embracing My Birth Experience by Sharing My Birth Story — Dionna at Code Name: Mama made peace with her first birth by sharing the story with her son.
• Focusing on the Beauty of Birth — Julia at A Little Bit of All of It shares the beautiful aspects of her birth center water birth.
• A Joyful Induced Delivery — Amy Willa: Me, Mothering, and Making it All Work notes the meditations and perspective that helped her achieve an unmedicated birth despite being induced for medical reasons.
• Finding Joy in an Imperfect Childbirth Experience — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now tells what she learned from her two very different childbirth experiences.
• What's to like about a c-section? — Jessica at Crunchy-Chewy Mama is glad she her second child at home, but she also cherishes much about the c-section she had four years earlier.
• What Story Will I Tell? — Rachael at The Variegated Life realizes that the way she tells the story of her second child's birth matters — and could be exhilarating.
• I Quietly Put My Hopes to Rest E — Erica at ChildOrganics shares her emotional ups and downs with the highly intervened birth of her special needs daughter, Bella.
• Tale of Six Births — Jessica at Instead of Institutions appreciates that unique challenges and joys of each of her births.
• Labouring naturally: nature’s gift — Caroline at stoneageparent describes the most beautiful, spiritual aspect of the labour of her son, the first stages along a bumpy road to giving birth.
• All The Woman I Am. — Lindsay at This Woman's Work shares a poem about letting go and surrendering during the thralls of labor.
• A twin birth story: embracing the unexpected — Megan at The Boho Mama shares her twin birth experience and how she found the silver lining when faced with preterm labor, premature birth, and a two-week NICU stay.
• Giving Birth With Eminem — Kerry at City Kids Homeschooling shares how fiery rap music contributed to an empowered homebirth with her third baby.
• Two Different Births — Cassie at There's a Pickle in My Life shares how she learned from her first birth experience and how to trust yourself and your body.
• Embracing Our Potential: Birth as a Metaphor — Sheila from A Living Family guest posts at Natural Parents Network and expresses how birth has served as a metaphor to help her through other experiences in life.
• Little Sister's Birth Story: Our VBAC Adventure — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama describes the recent birth story of her baby girl, her pride in an epidural-free VBAC, and how her story isn't exactly the birth experience she had planned for.
• A Journey in Birth Confidence — Shannon at The Artful Mama shares her experiences with labor during both of her sons' births.