Five years of being a boy-mom and now she's here. She's sleeping on my lap and I love her so much my chest tightens, there's a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. Her daddy and brothers are equally smitten and I just love them all so very much.
I once feared the idea of having a son. I knew girls, was a girl, had four younger sisters - what did I know of the world of boys? Then he was born and I fell so hard, loved being his mother, loved every bit of it, and now it is this tiny girl on my lap who has me trembling. What do I know of the world of girls?
I was scared I would have a girl. I was scared I never would. Now I do and the realization of one dream inevitably means the loss of the other, a house full of boys.
I'm no longer the only girl in this house. Now I've got this little partner in crime, and one day we'll sit at the table eating too much chocolate and talking about those things which are the sole domain of women. And I try not to get ahead of myself, try not to foist my own dreams upon her instead of the desires of her own heart, those plans whispered to her by her Creator, but maybe one day she'll be a mother too and that only makes me cry harder, the sheer beauty of it all.
I keep thinking of the future, all those rites of passage that are unique to girls. I worry about how this boy-mom will handle it. What do I know of makeup, of preparing a girl for her first period, of somehow somehow imprinting upon her a positive body image? What if she is like me? And what if she's not?
But I'm over-thinking it all. I know, below these surface fears, that the main things are still the main things. Love her. Respond to her. Meet her needs. Talk with her as she grows. Maintain and strengthen relationship. The details will always be different - between all three of them - but the focus is the same.
As long as we've got that, maybe we'll muddle our way through okay.
Just writing along with The EO...
I have loved your last two posts. In my first pregnancy I remember being afraid that I might have a daughter. I was so tom-boyish what would I do? I had the same fears you described: hair, clothes, make-up...
ReplyDeleteMy daughter is now 19. What a joy, a blessing, a treasure! I know no one else who is as gracious or as empathetic as she is; she has taught me so much.
And look- here's a little post on her taking me to a concert last week, lol - http://terelatimer.blogspot.com.au/2012/08/concert-1-of-3.html
(She is a much better writer than me, so make sure you read her review rather than mine!)
How wonderful - you have been given a daughter!
Oh mama - I'm in tears, too. You've said so much of what is in my heart.
ReplyDeleteExactly. I too, was afraid of having boys. I had no idea how to access boyland. Now I have two little guys and a house full of trains, trucks, and dinosaurs. And I love it. More than I ever imagined (so cool how God changes our hearts by giving us what we need!). As I think about the possibility of a third baby, and the possibility that it could be a girl...well, it's hard to express, but you said it here. :)
ReplyDeleteAfter three boys, we had our little girl. The first thing I did when she came out was look between her legs. In that moment, I just still could not believe I had a little girl. It was such an amazing birth. I figured I would never have a girl. She has brought a bit of balance to our home. Soak it in mama! congratulations.
ReplyDeleteShangrilewis <3
Enjoy your daughter. It really is a special relationship!
ReplyDeleteI never dreamed that someone else could sum up my fears and my hopes about someday having a daughter, but you have. I'm breathless - this is pefect. Thank you. And blessings on your girl.
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