On a whim, I glance up. There we are reflected in the (embarrassingly dirty) screen of the sleeping laptop, mama and baby girl, just sitting there together under the blanket. I have a book in one hand; the other hand rests against her head. The boy's fingerpainting grins at me from the background. I am mesmerized by the simple and ordinary beauty of it all.
How is it that life can feel both so perfect and so very hard at the same time?
Some days I am overwhelmed with gratitude for my life. These three precious children, a safe home to live in, food in the fridge and a husband who loves me. Those are the days I squeeze my kids tightly, inhale their beautiful scent, laugh and play and learn alongside them.
Some days I am overwhelmed by the noise and needs of life. These three young children, a home that needs to be cleaned and tidied, meals to prepare and the challenges of marriage. Those are the days I slip out of the house after the kids are sleeping, leaving their dad to care for them while I drive in the dark and the silence until my heart has slowed and my head has cleared.
There are days, weeks even, when I want to crawl into bed and hide underneath the covers, stay there warm and safe so I don't have to deal with anything. But I can't. I have to get up and get dressed and feed the children and face all these big things and little things and physical things and emotional things and stupid things and all the rest.
And oh, what I'd miss if I didn't get up. Ordinary moments with a cuddly baby and a good book. Hugs from a three year old as he tells me he loves me and I'm precious. These boys of mine side-by-side in a blanket fort, big one reading to little one, laughter and make-believe and friendship. I'd miss watching my babybug roll and squirm all over the floor, grinning and babbling at everyone who catches her eye.
All these gifts, and yet the bad parts take such predominance in my mind some days. Funny how that happens.
Life is good. Even with the tired days, the bad news, the whatever, it's still so good to be here. Just so very worth it.
Just writing along with The EO...
I try to remind myself that I wouldn't appreciate just how good the good parts are if I didn't occasionally have the days where I want to pull the covers over my head and hide. :)
ReplyDeleteI love this post. My life as a mama is often so perfect and hard often at the same time. Thank you for putting it into words!
ReplyDeleteThis post really spoke to me - I have been struggling so much with coping with the kids and it is so hard to remember that the good times and precious moments far outnumber the bad.
ReplyDeleteBut this has been a crying under the covers week for me, and I have to keep dragging myself out of bed. Thanks for reminding me of the good reasons to get up.
I love your honesty and this post. I especially appreciate you sharing the picture with the post...that picture is worth a thousand words.
ReplyDeletemelinda
I feel so blessed to have found this blog.
ReplyDeleteA fab post thankyou for reminding me how lovely and not lovely motherhood really is. It's such hard work but we have to do it for the kids. X
ReplyDeleteThis is SO true, and a beautifully writtenblog. Thanks for sharing!!
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