Natural Parents Network: The Best of Babywearing

As a volunteer editor with the Natural Parents Network (NPN), I have discovered a thriving community of natural-minded parents and parents-to-be who seek to inform, empower, and inspire.

When you visit the NPN’s website you can find articles and posts about Activism, Balance, Consistent Care, Ecological Responsibility, Family Safety, Feeding With Love, Gentle Discipline, Healthy Living, Holistic Health, Natural Learning, Nurturing Touch, Parenting Philosophies, Practical Home Help, Preparing for Parenting, Responding With Sensitivity, Safe Sleep, and so much more!

Today the NPN volunteers would like to share some posts that highlight all aspects of babywearing. These posts were featured on the personal blogs of the Natural Parents Network volunteers.

We hope you enjoy reading these posts as much as we enjoyed writing them. We are always looking for new volunteers so please, contact us if you are interested. Just a few hours per month can help other mamas in a huge way!

Benefits of Babywearing/Reasons To Babywear

• Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares "5 Reasons Why I Love Babywearing." The ultimate babywearing photo collage is also included. You can find I Thought I Knew Mama on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.
• Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children shares "The Minimalist Parent." Wearing your baby or toddler in a good sling or carrier minimizes the need for a lot of baby gear. You can also find Living Peacefully with Children on Facebook.
• Luschka at Diary of a First Child shares "Buying A Pram Or Pushchair." In this post Luschka discusses all the reasons why she thinks you shouldn't, but should try a baby carrier instead. You can also find Diary of a First Child on Facebook or Twitter.

Types of Carriers/ Choosing A Carrier

• Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shares "Babywearing for Newbies: Types of Carriers." This comprehensive post explores the myriad of babywearing options and the strengths and limitations of each. You can also find Hybrid Rasta Mama on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Networked Blogs.
• Momma Jorje shares "Boba Carrier Review." Read her opinions on the features Boba offers. You can also find Momma Jorje on Facebook and Networked Blogs.
• Ever wondered what baby carriers were good for hip carries, and at what ages and stages a hip carry is best? Dionna of Code Name Mama shares "Hip Carries for Every Age and Stage" and "Baby Carriers Appropriate for Hip Carries of Infants and Beyond" - both are filled with excellent information from Steffany Kerr, a Master Babywearing Educator for Babywearing International. You can find Dionna on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and YouTube.
• Julia at A Little Bit of All of It shares "The Moby Wrap." This post describes her experience with this popular stretchy wrap as part of her Babywearing Series and includes an opportunity to win your own! You can also find A Little Bit of All of It on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Networked Blogs.

Babywearing Safety

• Julia at A Little Bit of All of It shares "Wearing Baby Safely." All you need to know to safely babywear is summed up in nine points in this first post of her Babywearing Series going on this fall and winter. You can also find A Little Bit of All of It on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Networked Blogs.
• Erica at ChildOrganics shares "Safe Babywearing." This discusses the CPSC warning of certain baby carriers and how you can wear your baby safely. You can also find ChildOrganics on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.

Babywearing How-Tos

• Wondering how to nurse in your new carrier? Check out tips and tricks in a series of posts Dionna of Code Name: Mama published at NursingFreedom.org. She touches on Breastfeeding While Babywearing in a Mei Tai, in stretchy wraps, in a ring sling, and in soft structured carriers.
• Lauren at Hobo Mama offers a video tutorial on "How to breastfeed while babywearing in a mei tai," making it easy to nurse hands-free and feed your little one discreetly on the go. You can also find Hobo Mama on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Google +.
• Momma Jorje shares "Wordless Wednesday: Mei Tai." Follow her process of making her Ball Baby Mei Tai. You can also find Momma Jorje on Facebook and Networked Blogs.
• Amy at Anktangle shares a quick and simple tutorial for how to make your own no-sew stretchy wrap, one of the easiest and most inexpensive baby carriers to own. Bonus: with this tutorial, you end up with three wraps—one for you, and two to give away as gifts! You can also connect with Amy on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Google +.

BabywearingToddlers/More Than One Child

• Lauren at Hobo Mama issues a "Call to persist in babywearing." Even our kids who can walk on their own appreciate being snuggled and carried next to us. You can also find Hobo Mama on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Google +.

Personal Babywearing Stories and/or Photos

• Shannon at The Artful Mama gives her recommendations for "Babywearing While Pregnant" and tells us why "Breastfeeding and Babywearing - It's Awesome!" You can find her on Facebook and Twitter as The ArtsyMama or in her Cloth Diapering Consultant role at Diaper Parties by Shannon on Facebook and Twitter.
• Lyndsay at Our Feminist Playschool shares "Goodbye to BabyWearing." This is a post documenting Lyndsay and Aodhan's years of babycarrying in tribute of their last carry! You can also find Lyndsay on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest.
• Amy at Me, Mothering, and Making it All Work shares "Why We Wear Our Babies." Amy has enjoyed wearing both of her children and talks about the carriers she's used and the benefits of babywearing she's experienced . You can also find Amy Willa on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.
• That Mama Gretchen shares her post "Close to My Heart", a brief reflection on her babywearing journey. You can also find That Mama Gretchen on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.
• Cynthia at The Hippie Housewife shares "My Little Kangaroo." This photo-heavy posts detais the author's personal experiences with babywearing, including ring slings, mei tais, and wraps. You can also find The Hippie Housewife on Facebook, Google+, and Pinterest.
• Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shares "Babywearing Around The World." This is a photo essay highlighting traditional babywearing options from all over the globe. You can also find Hybrid Rasta Mama on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Networked Blogs.
• Lyndsay at Our Feminist Playschool shares "Daddy BabyWearing." This is a wordless post that follows her son being carried by his papa! You can also find Lyndsay on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest.
• Luschka at Diary of a First Child shares "A Sling is a Wonderful Thing." In this post she shares her first experiences with and love of babywearing her first child. You can also find Diary of a First Child on Facebook or Twitter.

Babywearing Series/Multiple Topics

• Cynthia at The Hippie Housewife shares "Attachment Parenting Series: Babywearing." Describing the ways in which babywearing and attachment parenting are related, this series installment includes benefits, styles, uses, and alternatives. You can also find The Hippie Housewife on Facebook, Google+, and Pinterest.
• What is the safest way to carry a baby in a carrier? What have studies shown about the benefits of keeping baby close? Discover these answers and more in Beyond Bonding: The Power of Positioning in Babywearing at Natural Parents Network. Connect with thousands of parents who practice attachment parenting and strive for a healthy, eco-conscious lifestyle through Natural Parents Network on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.

Babywearing - Other Interesting Topics

• Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children shares "A Ride on Mother's Back." Not many children's books on attachment parenting exist, but Emery Bernhard's book, A Ride On Mother's Back, is a lovely book for children and caregivers alike. You can also find Living peacefully with Children on Facebook.
• Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shares "The History of Babywearing." Come on a global journey and learn a brief history of babywearing. You can also find Hybrid Rasta Mama on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Networked Blogs.

A special thank you to Erika Hastings of the blog Mud Spice for creating and sharing her babywearing art with the world!

Attachment Parenting: A Christian perspective

Today in our Attachment Parenting Series, we will be discussing Attachment Parenting from a Christian perspective. If you have written a post on faith as it relates to Attachment Parenting, please do share it with us in the comments below!

Introduction

We are our children's first picture of God. It is of utmost importance that the picture we give them is as accurate as our human selves can offer. This requires that we ourselves first have a holistic understanding of God’s character.

When reading Scripture, it is helpful to take note of the many descriptions of God’s character. These descriptions tell us how God interacts with His children, and we can use them as a model as we raise our own children in love and grace. While the details will be different for each family, an exploration of God’s character reveals a strong congruence with the underlying values of Attachment Parenting.

Three Truths

There are three distinct areas that support a relational, attachment-based style of parenting: God’s character, God’s design, and Christian instruction. We will explore each and its relation to Attachment Parenting below.

God’s character

God answers our cries (Jonah 2:2), draws us with loving-kindness (Jeremiah 31:3), and is slow to anger and rich in love (Psalm 145:8). He comforts us “as a mother comforts her child” (Isaiah 66:13) and has compassion on us “as a father has compassion on his children” (Psalm 103:13). His kindness leads us towards repentance (Romans 2:4).

We discover more of God’s character in the parable Jesus tells about the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32). After the younger son squanders his wealth on wild living and prostitutes, he returns to his father, hungry and ashamed. Rather than chastise him, his father was filled with compassion for him. He ran to his son, threw his arms around him, kissed him, and called to the servants to prepare a celebratory feast.

The more we understand God’s character, the better we can present that picture of God to our children through our words and actions. We build their perception of God as we answer their cries, treat them with kindness, withhold our anger, lavish them with love, comfort them, have compassion on them, and celebrate them as a unique creation of God. Attachment Parenting encourages this responsive, wooing, relationship-based approach to raising our children.

God’s design

God created our babies, their cues, and our instinctive response to those cues. He gave us the hormones that facilitate bonding, the ability to nourish our babies through breastfeeding, and the means to naturally space our children through lactation induced amenorrhea.

By design, babies cry to signal their needs, and their mothers respond to that cry both physically (as their milk lets down) and psychologically (by wanting to pick up and comfort or nurse the child). Our babies feel safest when sleeping near their mothers, and mothers as well often sleep easier when their children are nearby. Babies thrive on touch, and a high-touch attachment relationship offers physiological and psychological benefits to both parent and child.

Breastfeeding imagery is used extensively in Scripture (see, for example, Isaiah 60:16, Isaiah 66:11, and Psalm 22:9). There is perhaps no place that should be more encouraging of this natural, God-designed practice than the church, and yet too often it is those within the church who hide nursing mothers in back rooms, holding fast instead to a misguided and misdirected notion of modesty. Breastfeeding is a mother's first foray into learning to read, trust, and respond to her child's cues. The infant, likewise, develops a strong emotional security as he learns to trust that his needs will be quickly and appropriately responded to. The more sensitive a mother becomes to her child's cues, the better the child becomes at giving those cues. This is the beginning of communication and connection between mother and child.

As connection grows, the mother/child relationship becomes increasingly natural and instinctive. The resulting mutual trust and sensitivity is the basis of the parent/child relationship and the foundation upon which future discipline will rely. The better the mother knows her child, and the more the child trusts his or her mother, the easier discipline will be as the child grows.

Each of the AP tools serves to strengthen that foundation, which will be built on with each passing year. (More about this in the next installment of the Attachment Parenting series, "Attachment Parenting: Beyond the baby years".) Not every family will use every tool or use them in the same way. It is the heart behind the tool – the desire to respond sensitively to our children’s needs and to seek ways to build and strengthen a mutually-trusting parent/child relationship – that is of true importance.

Christian instruction

Scripture offers many instructions for Christians on how to practically live out the commands to love God and to love our neighbour as ourselves. None of these instructions exclude children.

The Bible instructs us to comfort those who mourn, to feed those who are hungry, and to love the unlovely. We are instructed to be compassionate, to sacrifice, and to extend mercy to others. We are exhorted to be gentle and kind, building others up through our encouraging words. When we are walking in the Spirit and practically living out our faith, our lives will begin to bear the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

We circumvent the work of the Spirit when we accept a quick parenting fix in place of the sacrificial hard work involved in relational parenting, with its goal of heart-level change. This sort of convenience parenting – such as leaving an infant to cry alone, spanking a child, or yelling and punishing instead of guiding and teaching – serves the desires of flesh (ease, convenience, outward appearances). It may have short-term gains, but it fails to pay off in the long-term.

When we are living according to the Word, however, we will seek to apply these exhortations not only to other adults, but to our children as well. We will comfort them when they cry, feed them when they are hungry, and sacrifice sleep to meet their nighttime needs. We will be kind and gentle, speaking words of encouragement into their lives. We will guide them in grace and mercy. We will demonstrate the fruit of the Spirit to them rather than demand it from them. In all these things, whatever we do “for the least of these”, we do for Christ himself (Matthew 25:31-46).

Jesus told his disciples that “if anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all.” He then took a little child and had him stand among them. Taking the child into his arms, he said to them, “Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me.” (Mark 9:33-37). We are called to a life of loving servanthood. To deny such service to a child is to refuse Christ himself.

God is love (1 John 4:8). Paul describes love in his first letter to the Corinthians:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

Patience. Kindness. Humility. Slow to anger and quick to forgive. Protective and persevering. These must be the hallmarks of our love as demonstrated to our children. Attachment Parenting provides a holistic approach to demonstrating this love in the context of a healthy parent/child relationship.

Three Heresies

There are three heresies that have worked their way into much of the church, all of which serve to draw us away from a natural, instinctive approach to raising our children. These beliefs encourage a harsh, rule-based approach instead, often starting with newborn babies.

Our children must be punished for their sins

Jesus died for the sins of all, breaking death’s hold on us and opening the way for our restored relationship with God. To say that further punishment is required is to negate the message of the Gospel, and yet many of the big Christian authors will tell you that your child’s salvation depends on you punishing them. Punishment is considered the method of paying for their sin and removing the child’s guilt.

This is completely contrary to the message of the Gospel, which says that all of our sins have already been put to death by Christ on the cross. Punishing our child again takes away from that message. It says that what Christ has already done was not enough.

The idea that any parenting method can save a child is likewise contrary to the Gospel. Only the Holy Spirit can draw our children to Christ. Only Christ can save our children through faith. This faith is a gift of God, lest any man (or parent) should boast.

Moreover, punishment is often unrealistic, as we begin to demand more from our children than we expect from ourselves. We talk of God’s mercy, grace, patience, and kindness when speaking of ourselves; should we then demand perfect obedience from our children and punish them when they fail to achieve it? Our debt has been paid through Christ. We must be cautious, then, not turn around and demand payment from our children for their wrongdoings, lest we become as the unmerciful servant of which we were warned.

God punishes His children when they sin

Rather than saving them, punishment presents a distorted view of God to our children. God raises His children with grace and mercy, not punishment. In His love, He does allow us to experience the natural consequences of our actions, but He does not punish us or send us away from Him. Likewise, Jesus did not punish His disciples, but rather patiently taught them and guided them toward a fuller understanding of God.

The idea that God punishes His children is contrary to His grace. It further serves to negate the Gospel, suggesting that further punishment is needed on top of what Christ has already accomplished on the cross. We feel pain when we sin because we are walking apart from God and from His best for our lives. This pain is self-inflicted as we choose separation from His loving guidance. When we repent and turn back to God, He forgives us without first demanding repayment or inflicting punishment. We are called to offer this same generous forgiveness to those around us - including our children.

God is Love. God is good and merciful, the same then, now, and forevermore. It is a flawed understanding of His character that leads to delineation between the “wrathful” God of the Old Testament and the “merciful” God of the New Testament.

Some argue that God punishes His enemies, those who are evil and unrepentant. Our children are not our enemies and their childish antics are not evil. Even if that were not the case, we are instructed not to take revenge, nor to repay evil for evil, for the Lord is judge and it is His to avenge.

Rules and good behaviour produce Godly people

A strict focus on rules and behaviour suggests that what matters is our outward behaviour. Scripture tells us, however, that God looks at the heart. This misplaced focus also suggests that rules can keep us in line, and yet the Law proved otherwise – and “grace increased all the more” (Romans 5:20).

There often seems within the Christian community to be a hyper-focus on verses intended for others. In this case, many parents quote Ephesians 6:1 (“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right”), and yet ignore the verse directed towards parents that follows (“Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and discipline of the Lord.”). It is not our place to make our children obey us; that verse contains an instruction for them, not for us. Rather, it is our duty to “bring them up in the training and discipline of the Lord”.

Indeed, we cannot make our children obey us. We can make them comply with our instructions, but true obedience comes from the heart. That sort of obedience can never be demanded from anyone. It arises from a relationship of love and trust. As parents who wish to assist our children in fulfilling that command, we must tenderly cultivate a mutually loving and trusting relationship with them, in order that out of that they may respond to us in true heartfelt obedience.

A proper understanding of child development enables parents to respond to their children in a helpful and understanding way. It allows parents to put aside the false notion that babies cry to manipulate rather than communicate, or that their child’s immature behaviours are sinful rather than normal (and ultimately healthy) developmental stages. With a solid understanding of age-expected behaviours in place, parents are able to actively and respectfully move their children from inappropriate behaviours to appropriate ones, guiding them towards what they should do rather than focusing on what they shouldn’t do.

There is no fear in love (1 John 4:18). You cannot beat a child into salvation. A child is not saved through a parent punishing him in order to "atone for his sin". A child is not saved by "being good". A child is saved through a relationship with Jesus Christ - nothing more, nothing less - and anything that suggests otherwise is outright heresy.

Summary

A child’s deepest understanding of God will be formed through their relationship with their parents. In order to ensure we model an accurate picture of God, we must first understand God’s character, design, and instructions for living.

God’s character is one of kindness, compassion, and love. God’s design encourages nearness and responsiveness. Christian instruction points us towards the sort of sacrificial love that leads to the fruit of the Spirit being evident in our lives.

Each of these three areas speaks to the heart of Attachment Parenting. Far more than merely the decision to breastfeed or co-sleep, Attachment Parenting encourages a responsive, relationship-based approach to raising our children. This is what an examination of Scripture calls us to, that we woo our children with kindness, guide them with gentleness, and respond sensitively to their needs. Attachment Parenting provides a holistic approach to demonstrating God’s love and grace to our children in the context of a healthy parent/child relationship.

There are three lies that serve to pull us away from this responsive, relational, instinctive style of parenting. First is the belief that our children must be punished for their wrongdoings. Similarly, next is the belief that God punishes His children for their sins. Last is the belief that rules and good behaviour produce Godly children. Each of these beliefs is contrary to the message of the Gospel, and each serves to suggest that what Christ accomplished on the cross was either insufficient or unnecessary for our salvation and the salvation of our children.

The wages of sin is death, separation from God. It was the sacrifice of Jesus that allowed restoration and reconciliation, opening the way to eternal life. Our children are saved through that relationship, not through punishment, good behaviour, or fear. God loves you, and He loves our children. We must be careful to treat them at all times as cherished creations of a Holy God.

Not every parent will choose to use all of the AP tools, nor choose to use them in the same way. It is not the specifics that are demanded of us, but rather the relational approach behind them. The more we understand God’s character, design, and instructions, the better we can determine the specifics in a way that is right for our family, with an understanding of the underlying heart and purpose: responding sensitively to our children’s needs and seeking ways to build and strengthen a mutually-trusting relationship with them.


“But we proved to be gentle among you, as a nursing mother tenderly cares for her own children.”
1 Thessalonians 2:7


Recommended Reading:

Parenting Freedom
Gentle Christian Mothers
The Mission of Motherhood by Sally Clarkson
The Complete Book of Christian Parenting and Child Care by William Sears, M.D. and Martha Sears, R.N.

Attachment Parenting: A father's role

Today in our Attachment Parenting Series, we will be discussing the role of fathers. If you have written a post on fatherhood as it relates to Attachment Parenting, please do share it with us in the comments below!

Introduction

Fathers play a vital role in Attachment Parenting (AP).*

When the mother is the primary caregiver, she will naturally be the one to spend the greatest amount of time in contact with the baby. In the early weeks, the mother will be the one to do most of the parenting of the infant simply by virtue of the amount of time a baby spends at the breast. However, it is because of this higher contact between mother and child (when the mother is the primary caregiver) that the father should be highly involved in parenting during the time he does spend at home.

An involved father serves a two-fold purpose: he will bring his own unique offering to the child, and he will help prevent the mother from burning out.

* For simplicity’s sake, I refer to the “husband”, “father”, and “marriage”. Please expand this to fit any form of long-term partnership that involves parenting a child, where one parent stays home with the child as the primary caregiver. The unique needs of attachment parenting as a single parent require their own focus, one which I am not qualified to provide.

Unique offering

The father brings his own unique offering to his child. With the exception of physically breastfeeding the baby, the father can be involved in all areas of raising his child. This close involvement will allow a young baby to become accustomed to the father’s distinct smell, sound, and feel, providing the baby with a second strong attachment relationship. As the child grows, he or she will continue to benefit from this close relationship and from the unique offerings brought by each parent.

Preventing burnout

The father’s involvement is of particular importance when taking an AP approach to parenting because it is far too easy for a mother to become burned out when left to meet all of the child's needs alone. Although it is common for the baby to naturally prefer the mother in the early months, the father plays a central role in creating a supportive environment, helping to nurture the child by supporting the mother. A father’s involvement includes both emotional support and practical involvement.

Emotional support

When a father is supportive rather than critical, he frees the mother to share her burdens rather than bottling them up. Because AP mothers often find themselves swimming against the parenting current, they are frequently reluctant to discuss parenting struggles for fear of having the blame placed on their choice to approach parenting in an AP manner. A mother who does not face the same criticism at home will be better able to confide in her husband and seek support from him when needed.

Emotional support can take many forms, including:

• public unity
• verbal encouragement
• involvement in decision-making
• assistance with meal prep and housework
• encouraging a tired mother to meet her own need for self-care, and
• working with the mother to make changes when necessary.

This emotional support should begin before the baby is born with the father’s involvement in the pregnancy. In addition to the above, this involvement may include accompanying the mother to prenatal visits, talking to the baby in the womb, assisting in preparing the nursery, and encouraging the mother through labour and delivery.

Practical involvement

Although a father cannot breastfeed the child, he can support the breastfeeding relationship not only emotionally, but in practical ways as well. Does the nursing mother need a glass of water or a book? Are there meals that need to be cooked or older children that need to be interacted with?

Babywearing is an especially useful tool for fathers, encouraging a strong father-child bond as the baby becomes accustomed to the father’s unique walk, movement, heartbeat, smell, and voice. The father can wear the baby around the house, take the baby for a walk, or rock the baby to sleep.

A father can be involved in nighttime parenting as well. For the bed-sharing family, this involvement may be more supportive than practical, as sleep disruptions are minimal when the stirring baby needs only to find comfort in a nearby parent or latch on to nurse back to sleep. When the child is sleeping in his or her own space, the father can bring the baby to the mother to nurse when needed, change the baby’s diaper if necessary, and settle the baby back to sleep.

Finally, a father can be involved in the daily care of the baby and the home. This includes housekeeping, diaper changes, baths, meal prep and cleanup, bedtime routine, entertaining, comforting, and responding to the baby’s cries.

Benefits

A father’s close involvement with his child will benefit each family member individually as well as the family as a whole.

Benefits to the father

In addition to the rewards any mutually loving relationship brings, the father will benefit from the strong attachment that develops through his close involvement with his child. As connection grows, the parent/child relationship becomes increasingly natural and instinctive. The resulting mutual trust and sensitivity is the basis of the parent/child relationship and the foundation upon which future discipline will rely.

Every interaction with the baby allows the father to better read and respond to his child’s cues. The better the father knows his child and the more the child trusts the father, the easier discipline will be as the child grows. The father will also be better equipped to care for the child in the absence of the mother.

Benefits to the mother

With the assistance of an involved, nurturing father, the mother will:

• be more rested and calm
• be better able to meet her own needs
• be less likely to develop postpartum depression
• feel confident in her husband’s abilities to care for his child, and
• benefit emotionally from the support and encouragement of her husband.

Benefits to the child

The child will benefit from having a second strong attachment relationship. Each parent offers something unique to their relationship with the child, and the child benefits from both. Having a close relationship with both parents better enables the child to grow to be a healthy, well-adjusted adult. The positive interaction with and example set by an involved father will be beneficial to the child as he or she grows.

Mothers and fathers relate to their children differently, approach discipline differently, and interact with their children differently. When the underlying approach to parenting is one of unity, these differences will balance and complement each other. The child will thrive on the unique input each parent brings into their life.

Encouraging the reluctant father

Because of the frequent contact and close proximity between mother and child, the AP mother quickly becomes adept at reading the child's cues. This can shake the confidence of a father at first. He needs to be given the opportunity to bond and learn to read his child's cues as well. AP is particularly beneficial to the father in these circumstances because it allows him to develop the deepest connection with his child in the limited time he has.

To encourage the reluctant father:

• promote early bonding through holding and comforting
• provide opportunities for him to learn to read his child’s cues
• allow him to develop his own unique way of meeting the child’s needs
• offer suggestions if needed without hovering or nitpicking (“You could try…”)
• purchase a gender-neutral baby carrier (the Ergo is a popular “male-approved” choice)
• provide resources for the father to develop a deeper understanding of Attachment Parenting

Summary

The father has an important role to play in Attachment Parenting, bringing his own unique offering to the child while helping to prevent the mother from burning out.

A father’s involvement includes both emotional support and practical involvement. Emotional support may include understanding, encouragement, unity, involvement in decision-making, and assistance in making changes when necessary. Practical involvement may include supporting the breastfeeding relationship, babywearing, co-sleeping, taking part in nighttime parenting, and assisting in the daily care of the baby and the home.

Attachment Parenting will allow the father to bond with his child more quickly and will give him useful tools to support the mother emotionally while assisting in the practical aspects of parenting. In addition to the benefits this offers to the mother and child, it enables the father to grow into a confident and involved parent.


Recommended Reading:

Fathers by Dr. Sears
Becoming a Father: How to Nurture and Enjoy Your Family by Dr. William Sears
Father's First Steps: 25 Things Every New Dad Should Know by Dr. Robert Sears

Attachment Parenting Series: Babywearing

Welcome to our third installment of the Attachment Parenting Series - Babywearing! Don't forget to use the Mister Linky at the bottom to share your own babywearing information and experiences!

What is it?

Babywearing is the act of carrying a baby close to the caregiver using a cloth baby carrier. When done frequently for the first nine months after birth, it effectively doubles the infant's gestation, with the "womb" now on the outside rather than inside the mother. At that point, the infant's neurological and muscular development is at the same level as other primates' "full term" offspring.

How can we encourage it?

Babywearing is an ideal way to promote attachment between parent and child. There is a widely held misconception in our culture that a child can be held "too much", thus creating a clingy, spoiled dependency in the child. Quite the opposite holds true, however; the emotional security resulting from physical proximity and prompt nurturing allows the child to grow into a confident independence.

Benefits

Recognizing the benefits of babywearing - physical, emotional, intellectual, relational, and practical - will help to dispel this myth of "too much" nurturing.

Physically, worn babies are more regulated, receiving the benefits of a prolonged gestation. When inside the womb, the baby's systems were automatically regulated. The external womb-like environment of a sling assists the infant in re-regulating after the disruption of birth. The baby hears the parent's heartbeat, feels their breathing, and experiences the soothing rhythm of their walking and movement, all of which encourage him to regulate his own physical responses. Without this regulating presence, the baby may develop disorganized patterns of behavior, such as colicky cries, irregular breathing, and disturbed sleep.

Babywearing develops muscles in the baby that will later be used for sitting, standing, and walking. The baby's sense of balance is also heightened due to the stimulation of the vestibular system, thereby enhancing motor skills. Breastfeeding is encouraged as the baby feeds more frequently due to both the physical proximity to the mother and the ability of the mother to promptly respond to her baby's cues.

Emotionally, babies who are worn cry less and have decreased levels of stress hormones. This means the baby is happier and more relaxed. The comfort and closeness of his parent encourages a sense of calm in the baby. The baby receives immediate feedback from his parent in response to external stimuli, and is able to withdraw into the parent when overwhelmed or frightened. Babies who are forced to self-calm waste valuable energy that could otherwise have been used to grow and develop. Babies thrive on touch, and babywearing is an ideal way of meeting this need. The effects of touch are particularly pronounced in premature infants, as demonstrated by the dramatic results of kangaroo care.

Intellectually, worn babies less time crying and more time in a state of quiet alertness, observing and learning about their environment. Their proximity means that they receive more interaction, hear more conversations, and see more of the world around them. Speech development is enhanced. They become more aware of patterns of behaviour - facial expressions, body language, emotions, heart rates, breathing patterns, vocal inflections, and tones. This increased exposure and learning stimulates brain development, creating more neural connections and expanding future learning potential.

Relationally, babywearing enables the parents to experience heightened sensitivity to their baby's cues. As the parents learn to read, trust, and respond to these cues, the baby learns that his needs will be promptly attended to. The resulting emotional security and trust reinforces the baby's cues and enhances his ability to give them. This cycle of positive interaction strengthens the communication and connection between parent and child, allowing the relationship to become increasingly natural and instinctive. Closeness breeds familiarity, making babywearing an ideal bonding tool for mothers, fathers, extended family, and caregivers.

Practically, babywearing is simply convenient. Parents are able to keep the baby close and secure while going about their daily routine. They are left with two free hands to tend to other children, do housework, or prepare food. Fewer pieces of baby equipment are needed in an attempt to entertain or pacify the baby who just wants to be held. Mobility is enhanced without the need to lug heavy car seats or maneuver bulky strollers. Taking a walk while wearing the baby provides the dual benefits of cardiovascular exercise and weight training. Breastfeeding can happen on the go. The reluctant napper can be worn to sleep. This extra freedom is particularly desirable during stages of teething, sleep disruption, or separation anxiety.

Styles and uses

There are a number of different styles of baby carriers. While all can be used at any stage, each style has its own individual strengths and weaknesses. A local babywearing group or baby store will allow you to try a variety of carriers to find the one that works best for you.

A ring sling is a length of fabric that goes over one shoulder and fastens with a pair of adjustable rings. This is particularly useful for frequent up-and-downs, as it is simple to use, quick to put on and take off, and fully adjustable. Because it is a one-shouldered carrier, it is less ideal for longer periods of wearing, especially with older or heavier babies.

A pouch is a tube of fabric with a curved seam, folded in half lengthwise to create a pocket for the baby and worn over one shoulder like a sling. It can be folded quite small, making it perfect for the diaper bag. The pouch is sized to the individual wearer and must fit well in order to be comfortable. Again, because it is a one-shouldered carrier, it is better for shorter lengths of time or smaller babies.

A wrap is a long length of fabric. The fabric is wrapped around the body and tied securely in place, creating a pocket for the baby. A stretchy wrap is comfortable for newborns, while older babies require the support of a non-stretchy wrap. The most supportive of these wraps are known as German-style wovens and are specially designed for strength, breathability, diagonal stretch, and secure texture. The wrap can be worn on one or two shoulders, comes in a variety of lengths, and can be used to wear the baby on the front, back, or hip. The wrap is the most versatile, supportive, and adjustable baby carrier, but also has the steepest learning curve. The most comprehensive wrap instruction chart can be found here.

A soft-structured carrier (SSC) is a square piece of fabric with two padded shoulder straps and a padded waistband, secured in place with buckles. This subset of baby carriers would include framed backpacks and Bjorn-style carriers. The Bjorn-style carriers typically have a very narrow crotch piece which result in the baby dangling from his crotch, putting excess pressure on his spine. A more ergonomically-correct baby carrier will have a wider base which spreads the baby's hips and holds them in a seated position.

The mei tai, or Asian-style carrier, is a square piece of fabric with two shoulder straps and two waist straps. This carrier combines the adjustability of a wrap with the ease-of-use of an SSC. The child's weight is distributed between the shoulders and torso, making this, along with the wrap and SSC, a good choice for long carries.

What if it doesn't happen?

Whether for physical or personal reasons, a parent may find themselves unable or unwilling to wear their baby in this manner. A baby who is held less will require more interaction in order to gain the physical, emotional, intellectual, and relational benefits that would otherwise be provided through babywearing.

Encourage physical closeness

To help regulate the newborn and to develop the connection and responsiveness that physical closeness brings, hold or lay with the baby as often as possible. Look at books while holding the baby on your lap, take a warm bath together, and nap together. Skin-to-skin contact is particularly beneficial. Breastfeeding and co-sleeping are both ideal methods of providing this physical proximity, system regulation, and enhanced communication.

Interact verbally and make eye contact

To encourage brain development, language skills, relational abilities, and bonding, be particularly intentional about interacting verbally with the baby, including making frequent eye contact. Talk as you push her in the stroller, feed her dinner, or get her dressed. Narrate your daily life as she sits near you, watching. Read and sing to her. Naturally, all of these things are important for all babies, but for the baby who is not frequently worn, they must be particularly emphasized.

Our experiences

I credited babywearing with being my sanity-saver during my first year of parenting. We use a variety of baby carriers, each with their preferred use. Wraps were perfect for long walks; a longer wrap length provided the support I needed to carry him comfortably, while a shorter wrap length came in handy after he started walking but needed up halfway through a walk. Our ring sling was well-loved for short carries, particularly during the up-and-down toddler stage. A mei tai allowed me the confidence of a back carry when out in public.

With my oldest, I found the convenience of babywearing to be indispensable. In his early weeks, he often napped in a carrier, preferring the warmth and movement over a flat bed. It also provided him with a familiar place to nap while out of the house. When teething hit, it hit hard, and many days I would walk around the house with him tucked contentedly in a wrap and a book in my hand. During each evening's "witching hour", I would wrap him up snuggly and go for a long walk through our favourite trail. With him secure on my back, I could browse our local farmer's market without the inconvenience of a stroller. During stages when he wanted to be held more often than not, it allowed me to get housework done and food on the table while meeting his needs at the same time.

When my second son was born, I expected that babywearing would be even more useful. Instead, I had a baby who, unlike my first, was perfectly content to nap alone and for long stretches of time. Also unlike my first, he was a quick and efficient nursling, not interested in spending hours at the breast. I found that I wore him mainly outside of the house, where babywearing was still very useful in allowing me two hands free to, for example, tend to my older son at the park while keeping the baby snuggled close and warm.

As he got older, however, I found that I was spending quite a bit of time annoyed with him. I needed to cook supper and he wanted up. I had laundry to do and he wanted up. I was trying to read with his older brother and he wanted to sit on my knee and nurse. I felt like I was constantly trying to fend him off, and the more I did so, the more clingy he became.

Finally I was able to recognize and consciously acknowledge this negative cycle we had fallen into. While trying to cook supper one evening, I grabbed our long-neglected ring sling, popped him in, and carried on. He nestled silent against me and I finished preparing the meal. Instead of urging him to go play or plopping him unceremoniously on his father's knee, I spent that time inhaling his sweet smell, kissing his soft hair, and talking to him about what I was doing. It was a significant turning point in our relationship and a much needed return to connection and attachment. We haven't looked back since.

Summary

Babywearing is the most natural way to keep your baby close while tending to the demands of daily life. It provides numerous physical, emotional, intellectual, relational, and practical benefits for both parent and child. It regulates the infant, provides emotional security, encourages learning, enhances parent/child communication, and brings with it many conveniences.

There are several styles of baby carriers, each with their own strengths and weaknesses. Both use and comfort should be considered when purchasing a carrier.

When babywearing is not an option, the parent should place particular emphasis on physical closeness, verbal interaction, and eye contact. This will provide the baby with many of the benefits that would otherwise be gained through babywearing, including system regulation, brain development, language skills, responsiveness, and bonding. Ultimately, communication and connection must be encouraged in whatever form best suits the needs of the parent and child.


Recommended Reading:
The Babywearer
Babywearing International
Babywearing Information by Dr. Sears
The Vital Touch: How Intimate Contact With Your Baby Leads To Happier, Healthier Development by Sharon Heller, PhD


Now it's your turn! Add your link using the Mister Linky below to share your thoughts, experiences, resources, or struggles as they relate to babywearing. I look forward to reading them! See you next Monday for our fourth installment - Bedding close to baby!

Snow day

We began our day with plans to go somewhere - anywhere - but quickly changed our minds after looking out the window this morning.



It's not much snow for a northern Manitoba girl, but on the lower west coast of Canada it looks pretty much surreal. And while I'm confident in my snow-driving abilities, I'm not so confident in the same of the locals, nor did I think a mere handful of snow plows and an abundance of steep hills were a great combination for driving.

So in we stayed.

We read books in front of a warm fire, practiced some French, sang songs, and watched the snow falling thick outside. We drank hot chocolate with candy cane stir sticks. And while the boys were occupied with general mess and chaos, I finally finished the older one's months-old request: a baby carrier for his babies.

I first promised this carrier during a walk this summer, when I glanced over to discover that the boy was casually walking down the street with his "baby" (a beanbag animal of some sort) hanging out of his pants. He thought his underwear was a pretty clever baby carrier; I suggested that perhaps it wasn't the most appropriate way to carry his baby while in public. And so he asked me to sew him a baby carrier for his babies, just like I had for his baby brother.

I use a variety of carriers with my babies. With my first, I preferred the versatility and support of a good sturdy wrap. With my second, I find myself most often reaching for my mei tai, choosing speed over the wrap's extra support.  I do still love my wrap, though, especially if I'll be wearing him for long stretches of time.  The baby just had a nice nap on my back in the wrap while at a playdate last week.

Because the boy sees the mei tai used most frequently, that was the style he requested. Months of procrastination later, it is done.

He loves it. The first "baby" he grabbed to put in it was, of all things, a stuffed bat.

 Second was his most favoured "baby", a small beanbag puppy.  He wore the puppy in it all evening, only reluctantly taking it off to eat dinner.

 

When it was time to clean up toys after dinner, he asked if I'd put his beanbag bear in the baby carrier first.  Once his bear was snuggled in place, he said, "This is great!  Now I can clean with my bear!"

This kid's gonna make an awesome daddy someday.

Learning-rich environments for babies and toddlers

After writing about how we offer our preschooler a learning-rich environment and incorporate learning into everyday life, I received the following comment from Caitlin:

"I love your list of ideas. Sounds like a wonderful environment to grow up in! I nanny for a 14 month old, and would love to know how you set up a similar learning-rich environment for your younger son."

Well, Caitlin, I'd love to answer that with my own ideas, and hopefully readers will share some of their own as well!

Read

Many of the preschooler ideas hold true for younger (and older!) ages. Reading is at the top of that list. Babies and toddlers do well with short stories and engaging illustrations. This is not a time to be concerned about reading through a book front-to-back, but rather to go at the child's pace - linger on each page, describe the scene, point out objects, and stop when the child loses interest. Let them see you read for enjoyment, too!

Talk

Narrate your life. With my little ones, there is a constant stream of narration as we go about our day. This narration should continue as the child grows, with increasingly detailed descriptions and complex information given. Narration is the ideal introduction to object identification, colours, shapes, math, science, everything.

"That is a lovely red block you have. And here's a bigger one! Let's stack them - you put yours on top of mine. You did it! I'm going to put this blue one on top now. Now there are two blocks! Oh look! You bumped it with your foot and it fell down! What a loud noise it made!"

"Mommy's cooking supper right now. I'm slicing the green zucchini with my sharp knife. All done! Now I'm slicing the orange carrots. Let's put them in the pot! I'm going to clean up my mess now. I'm putting the peelings in our compost. Alright, time to add the tomatoes!"

This constant narration helps the child both to develop and enrich vocabulary and to increase their knowledge of the world around them.

Spend Time Outdoors

Again, this mimics the suggestion for the preschooler (and older) crowd. Time spent outdoors has a wealth of benefits, including (but definitely not limited to!) fine motor development, gross motor development, knowledge enrichment, sensory experience, imagination growth, and health benefits (physical, mental, and emotional). Just being outside exploring nature - grass, dirt, bugs, sticks, rocks, the works - will do much for a child's growth and development.

An excellent resource on this topic is Last Child in the Woods: Saving our children from nature-deficit disorder by Richard Louv. Another more practical resource is I Love Dirt!: 52 activities to help you and your kids discover the wonders of nature by Jennifer Ward.

Say Yes

Toddlers tend to have two common first words: "Mama" and "no". The latter is something that age group hears a lot. "No, don't touch that...no, that's not for baby...no, don't climb on that...no, don't go over there." No, no, no.

Sometimes a no is necessary, but the more we limit our no's and encourage our children to explore freely, the more opportunities they have to learn about the world around them. Even where redirection is needed, seek ways to incorporate a yes into your words: "Yes, you can climb over here...yes, you can jump on this instead...yes, you can press the buttons on your toy rather than the television." Recognize the intent behind the action and seek to affirm that by providing an acceptable alternative. There will be more than enough natural opportunities for your child to learn the concept of no without having to be told no at every turn. Encourage them to see, smell, taste, touch, and hear!

Free exploration can be either aided or discouraged by the child's surroundings. Keep off-limit areas to a minimum in order to provide the greatest number of learning experiences for your baby or toddler. When our older son was that age, these off-limit areas included the gaming system, the cat litter, and our textbooks. For our younger son (new house, new setup), they include the fireplace, the cat food, and Mommy's laptop. We reserve the bottom of our bookshelves for children's books, keep in-reach things either child-friendly or wedged in tight enough that they can't be removed, and keep harsh chemicals not only out of reach, but out of our home altogether.

I also put a lock on the toilet when they get to that age, not for safety reasons but because, well, some messes just aren't worth having to clean up!

Go About Your Day

Do the things you need to do - but include your child in them. It takes longer, yes. They're not really "helping", no. But they love to be included at this age. This practical life experience sets up good habits to be carried into the future while providing them with great learning opportunities in the meantime.

As you go about your day, draw your toddler alongside you. Hand them wet clothes to throw into the dryer. Have them move dry clothes from the dryer to the laundry basket. Let them fold facecloths, match socks, and assist in putting their clothes away. Let them splash in a sink of water with a cloth and some cups while you take care of the dirty dishes. Have them put away the utensils and their dishes. Include them in your dinner preparations. Hand them a cloth and a spray bottle of water while you're cleaning.

For the younger ones, a sling or other baby carrier is a great way to include them as you go about your day. Babywearing has numerous benefits ranging from convenience to physical and emotional health.

Play

The majority of a child's mental and physical development at this stage happens through play. Play provides gross motor development, fine motor development, sensory experience, cognitive development, attention regulation, creativity and imagination growth, abstract thinking, and problem-solving opportunities.

Provide a rich variety of open-ended toys: blocks, Duplo, balls of varying sizes and weights, and toys for playing pretend. Puzzles, stacking rings, nesting cups, bead mazes, and shape sorters are all excellent for developing problem-solving skills. Sensory play can include sand, containers of rice or beans, textured beanbags, a sink full of water, or a bowl full of dishsoap bubbles.

Musical play is excellent as well. Sing songs as you go about your day. Play a variety of background music. Provide access to simple musical instruments such as shakers, tambourines, and drums.

We try to avoid branded toys in our home. Some Cars and Thomas vehicles have managed to work their way in, but for the most part we've been able to keep the toys generic and open-ended.

In the same vein and for a number of reasons, we have no television in our home and only occasionally watch a DVD on our computer. The AAP discourages television viewing for children under two years old. Turning off the television can do wonders for a child's brain development and imagination.

Enjoy Them!

It's so cliché to say, but these years really do pass by quickly. Enjoy your child. Enjoy their snuggles and grins and first words and joyous discoveries. They will never be this age again.

What suggestions do you have for providing the baby and toddler crowd with a learning-rich environment?

Oh Baby

17 weeks tomorrow – approaching the halfway mark!

I’m at that point where I don’t really “feel” pregnant. I’m no longer sick and exhausted, but the tiny little movements I’ve been feeling are still small enough to be debatable (was that Baby? maybe?). I do have a bit of a tummy already, much different from last time when even at 6 months I still didn’t look pregnant! I've gained a little over 4 lbs so far. At this point, Baby should be about 5 inches long – that sounds so big to me. Wow.

I’m looking forward to my first ultrasound in less than two weeks. (Unfortunately, my husband will be out of town looking at potential houses to rent for when we move in the fall, so he won’t be there this time. My sister will be joining the boy and me instead.) No, we will not be finding out the gender. We didn’t last time and won’t next time either. I just can’t give up that wonderful moment, after all the hard work of labour and delivery, when someone shouts out “it’s a ___!” That moment is too perfect for words. I was never one who liked to peek at my Christmas presents anyway.

Fortunately, I don’t have a nursery to worry about (pink or blue? green or yellow?), as Baby will sleep with us for at least the first 6 months, but likely longer. We don’t need a new carseat for Baby, who will get the boy’s Britax Roundabout while he gets a bigger model. We don’t need a fancy travel system, as we look forward instead to the “second nine months” (nine months in the womb, nine months outside the womb) with baby snuggled up in a sling or wrap next to Mom or Dad rather than strapped into a baby bucket to be lugged or rolled everywhere. Some cozy gender-neutral zipper sleepers will get us through those first days, with some gender-specific ones added in eventually if this bambino turns out to be a little girl. No, I may be an obsessive type A planner, but I don’t need to know the gender to be wholly prepared for this tiny one.

What we are beginning to prepare for, though, is the birth. I have found a midwife and have my first appt (by phone) next week. My childhood family doctor is providing temporary prenatal care in the interim. What a difference between his five minute whirlwind appointments and the personal care provided by a midwife! I do admit, though, that I would have had a much harder time choosing a care provider if we were still in Ottawa, as we loved our family doctor there. She was wonderful through my last pregnancy, but unfortunately was not the team doctor on call the night I went into labour. I think it would be that – as well as hospital births in general (but that’s another entry altogether) – that would have convinced me to switch to a midwife for my maternity care this time around. Still, moving made the decision easy. We are looking forward to birthing at home under my midwife’s care.

We have also been preparing the little guy for his upcoming role of big brother. He likes to sit on my knee and talk about the baby growing in Mommy’s tummy (he seems particularly focused on the baby’s arms – “Baby grow big arms!!”). We talk about what he can do with the baby, and most of the suggestions have come right from him – sing to the baby, read stories to the baby, show baby “gentle”, give baby hugs and kisses, and, of course, play cars with the baby (okay, so some things will need to be clarified when the tiny little bundle of joy is actually here – but at least his heart is in the right place). We talk often about who we love. “Who does Jacob love?” “Opa!” “Who else?” “Daddy!” And so on and so forth. Then, “who does Mommy love?” “Jacob!” “Yes, Mommy loves Jacob very much. And Mommy loves Daddy.” “Daddy!” “And Mommy loves Baby too.” “Love Baby!” We talk about how Baby will drink Mommy’s milk too, something he brings up quite often now (“Share Mommy milk?” “Yes, honey, you will need to share Mommy milk with the baby.”) And on and on, in many different contexts, making this unborn child very much a part of our family and something for him to be excited about.

On the other hand, I don’t think I’ve yet managed to wrap my head around the idea that in just a few short months, we will have two little ones to love and raise. Who knows, maybe it won’t really be driven home until I hear those first cries, but it did become a bit more real a couple weeks ago. It was a very strange thing. I had just gotten the boy to sleep and was walking out of his room when he let out a tiny little cry in his sleep. Immediately my breasts tingled in that familiar let-down feeling – familiar and yet no longer familiar, it having been so long since they’d actually let down that way. It was that very strange sensation that made me take in a deep breath, suddenly vividly aware that I would have a newborn around the house again. The constant nursing, the sweet milky breath, the sleepy baby nestled next to Mom, the perfect tiny lips, that newborn cry – it all came rushing back in that moment. We’re going to have a baby.

Thank you, God.

Speaking of nursing, I had the bittersweet realization earlier this week that it had been a few days since my toddler had nursed – or had even asked to nurse. I wasn’t even certain I still had milk. The following night, wouldn’t it figure, he did ask for milk at bedtime, and I gave it to him. He seemed to be getting milk – but then last night, just to confuse his poor mother, he wanted to nurse again but most definitely was not getting milk this time (and wasn’t upset by the fact). I’ve never been able to hand-express, so I can’t tell that way. It’s just this surreal period of my baby possibly weaning, my milk supply possibly changing, and me feeling partly sad, partly happy, but mostly just accepting of it all. I’m content with where he is right now. He’s entirely nightweaned, he accepts his Daddy’s help when he wakes up at night (and sometimes going to sleep in the first place at bedtime), he nurses no more than once a day, and he himself seems quite fine with the whole thing.

While I choose not to actively wean my toddlers, nursing boundaries are definitely put in place along the way. Babies may not “twiddle”, a distracted baby will be given an opportunity to nurse at a later time when s/he is more focused on eating, a biter will immediately be set on the floor for a few seconds (and possibly be startled by my involuntary gasp or yell), older babies and toddlers must ask politely rather than tug on Mommy’s shirt for milk, and toddlers no longer get to nurse on demand – sometimes Mommy’s busy, and sometimes she just plain doesn’t wanna nurse you, hon. Because of my body’s sensitivity to nursing (extreme delayed return to fertility), I do limit nursing for toddlers slightly more than I perhaps would otherwise – morning, naptime, bedtime, nightwakings (though increasingly discouraged the older they get) and occasionally at one or two other moments during the day, but this is a gradual and gentle process that evolves along with the individual child. We tried, for example, nightweaning at a couple different points with the boy, only to find that he most definitely was not ready. When he was, the process went much smoother and with very little upset.

We’ve also found that a change in circumstances is a good time to change habits – moving to a toddler bed meant nursing for a while and then climbing into bed to sleep, rather than falling asleep while nursing as he used to. Moving to an entirely new house meant no more nursing in Mommy’s room – you can fall asleep in Mommy’s room, or you can have milk and fall asleep in your own room. Pregnant Mommy just can’t quite handle what she used to be able to, so we find options that we can both live with instead. It’s what we’ve always done, and I suppose it’s why I don’t feel as much worry as perhaps I should over the idea of adding another child to our family – we simply adjust the way we do things as they need to be. When something works well for us, we leave it. When circumstances change, we change it. “Flexible consistency”, I suppose I would call it. I know that things will change with a second child. Some of those changes we are already preparing for. Others we can’t do anything about until the baby arrives. The rest we can’t even begin to anticipate, having never experienced raising a toddler and a newborn before, but we can rest calmly in knowing that our lives will adapt to these changes, regardless of how much or how little we worry about the “how’s” and “what if’s” ahead of time.

Anyway! I can see the length of this entry is quite getting away from me. Time to leave some baby talk for another day – and time to get back to analyzing those strange feelings in my belly. Was that a tiny little baby kick??

International Babywearing Week

From the Babywearing International website:

Benefits of Babywearing

Medical professionals agree that infants thrive through touch; “wearing” your baby is another way to meet this need. But the benefits of babywearing don’t end there...babywearing offers many other advantages, some of which include:

• Happy Babies. It’s true … carried babies cry less! In a study published in the journal Pediatrics, researchers found that babywearing for three hours a day reduced infant crying by 43 percent overall and 54 percent during evening hours.

• Healthy Babies. Premature babies and babies with special needs often enter the world with fragile nervous systems. When a baby rides in a sling attached to his mother, he is in tune with the rhythm of her breathing, the sound of her heartbeat, and the movements his mother makes—walking, bending, and reaching. This stimulation helps him to regulate his own physical responses. Research has even shown that premature babies who are touched and held gain weight faster and are healthier than babies who are not.

• Confident Parents. A large part of feeling confident as a parent is the ability to read our babies’ cues successfully. Holding our babies close in a sling allows us to become finely attuned to their movements, gestures, and facial expressions. Every time a baby is able to let us know that she is hungry, bored, or wet without having to cry, her trust in us is increased, her learning is enhanced, and our own confidence is reinforced. This cycle of positive interaction deepens the mutual attachment between parent and child, and is especially beneficial for mothers who are at risk for or suffering from postpartum depression.

• Loving Caregivers. Baby carriers are a great bonding tool for fathers, grandparents, adoptive parents, babysitters, and other caregivers. Imagine a new father going for a walk with his baby in a sling. The baby isbecoming used to his voice, heartbeat, movements, and facial expressions, and the two are forging a strong attachment of their own. Baby carriers are beneficial for every adult in a baby’s life. Cuddling up close in the sling is a wonderful way to get to know the baby in your life, and for the baby to get to know you!

• Comfort and Convenience. With the help of a good carrier, you can take care of older children or do chores without frequent interruptions from an anxious or distressed infant—which helps to reduce sibling rivalry. Baby carriers are also wonderful to use with older babies and toddlers; you can save those arms and go where strollers can’t. Climbing stairs, hiking, and navigating crowded airports all can be done with ease when you use a well-designed baby carrier!

Babywearing has been wonderful for us. From the time our son was an infant, we've found it be more useful than we ever could have imagined. From those early days when he napped better snuggled close to a warm body, to long days of teething, to walking outdoors in the snowy Canadian winters, to innumerable other instances, babywearing has saved my sanity. And that's with only one child! I can imagine the benefits only increasing with each new child, allowing two hands free to chase after silly toddlers, prepare meals for hungry children, and take care of all the other demands of parenting that can't always be done with a babe in arms. And on top of that are all the benefits to the baby - and a few more!

Advice for the first year

My baby is 18 months old today. It's such an interesting age - some days more baby than boy, other days more boy than baby, most days a combination of both. So far I've said the same thing with each passing month: "This is my favourite age yet." It just keeps getting better.

His transition from baby to boy (coupled with an influx of newborn babies in our church and amongst some friends of mine) has had me thinking about his first year and the things that really made a positive difference during that time.

The first, likely, was that I completely ignored 90% of the advice I received.

(The best advice I ever received, on the other hand, was from an old man in the elevator. He told me to "just give that child lots of love, 'cause it's a crazy world out there." Truer words have ne'er been spoken.)

In the spirit of being offered unsolicited advice and immediately dismissing it, here is my advice for the first year:

Baby Advice #1: Stay Calm.

Seriously. Do it. Stay calm.

Just relax.

Deep breath in. Now let it out.

You know how they say animals can sense fear? Well, that squalling little bundle of pink perfection in your arms can sense it too. Along with frustration, and anger, and "holy crap, I don't know what I'm doing!" And she will respond to that.

I see it so often - she cries, you bounce, she cries harder, you bounce harder, she cries louder, you shush louder, and soon you're both worked up in a crazy frenzy and things are going bad fast.

Relax.

Stop bouncing and start swaying. Stop shushing and start cooing. Quietly. Whisper words of comfort and songs of peace. She might stop crying. She might not. But either way, your blood pressure will be lower, your breathing will be slower, you will be calmer. And nine times out of ten, she'll respond to that more than anything else.

I've found this to be true right from birth, through babyhood, and into toddlerhood - and I'm guessing it'll be true right on through the rest of the stages. When Mom's calm, the rest of the household just seems that much calmer too.

I've found this to be true in all manners of situations as well. Crying newborns, frustrated babies, angry toddlers - everything goes better when Mom stays calm. Go about doing what you need to do to take care of the situation - but do it calmly.

What's more, the things being stressed over often aren't worth stressing over in the first place. It's okay if your six month old isn't eating three square meals a day. It's okay if you have a period of sleep issues - they often resolve themselves in short order. It's okay (and quite normal!) if your baby isn't sleeping through the night by the time she's a month old - or six months old, or even nine months old! It's okay if your baby doesn't roll over, sit, walk, or talk as early as your friend's baby did. It's okay, there's no need to stress over every little bump and sneeze and waking.

It's okay. Relax.

Just stay calm.

Baby Advice #2: Baby Your Baby.

Because, well, they're babies. It's what they're made for.

Two Harvard researchers said it better than I ever could.

Baby your baby. Save independence for later. Give them the foundation they need for independence now.

Your baby will not become spoiled if you carry him often and if you respond to his cries. Those are the very things that will give him the security he needs now to become a healthy adult later.

Consider co-sleeping with your baby. Snuggle him while he nurses. Invest in a good carrier and wear your baby.

Most of all, just hold and comfort that little one - your touch and reassurance is what he needs.

Bonus Advice: Have Fun!

That's all - just have fun. That first year will go by so fast. Enjoy your baby - which, really, is half the point of the first two pieces of advice! Stay calm, don't stress, hold your baby, and comfort your baby - enjoy your baby.

My Little Kangaroo

Babywearing has saved my sanity. I can't imagine what I'd do without it. There are few days where my son doesn't end up in a carrier at some point - on my back while I do some housework, cuddled in a wrap while he's teething or sick, bundled up nice and cozy while we go outside. It saves struggling with a stroller through the snow or onto a crowded bus or around a busy store. It saves lugging around an awkward heavy infant seat. It allows me to have two free hands while still keeping baby close when he needs it. It makes naps easier for those babies (like mine) who don't sleep well alone. It just makes life so much more peaceful and simple.

Worn babies also benefit from this, mentally, emotionally and physically. Mentally, they spend more time in a quiet alert state and receive more stimulation. Emotionally, they quickly develop a sense of security and trust, becoming more attached which, in turn, allows them to become independent earlier. Physically, newborns adapt better by being so close to their caregiver's heartbeat, breathing, and voice, and older babies develop a better sense of balance.

Ring sling

First up, our ring sling. This is great for quick trips - fast and easy to get on and off. Because it's a one-shoulder carrier, however, it's not great for long trips, especially for older/bigger babies.

This particular ring sling is a Didymos wrap, Lena print, turned into a ring sling by Sleeping Baby Productions.



Sleeping after a walk this summer


Front, side, front



Mei tai

Next, our mei tai. This two-shouldered carrier is great for people who find wraps too challenging. They can be worn easily on the front or back, and are generally faster to put on than a wrap. Definitely a husband-friendly carrier.

This particular mei tai is a Kozy brand, Windsor print.



Sound asleep



Wraps

Wraps are my favourite. They are so versatile. They can be worn on your front, back or hip in a nearly infinite variety of ways. We have four wraps - a soft stretchy one that's great for cold weather and for newborns (a red Moby), a short one that's good for taking places to wrap there (an Ellaroo LaRae), a thin one that's great for warm weather (an Ellaroo Christiane), and our new (to us) German woven wrap that's nice and supportive for my growing boy (a Paul Didymos). Four wraps is not a necessity - one would do easily. I'd pick a long woven wrap if I have to pick just one. There is a learning curve to wraps, but perseverance and practice is so worth it in the end. When I can scoop up a crying baby, flip him onto my back, wrap him up and get back to cooking supper in no time at all, life is good. Wraps are our most commonly used carrier. I personally prefer them to mei tais because I find them to be cozier and softer.

My son, several months ago, in our Ellaroo brand, Christiane print.


More recently, same wrap.


Our new German woven wrap, Didymos brand, Paul print.


And back home, rosy-cheeked, after a walk in the cold.


Hanging out on mommy's back




A great place to learn more about babywearing is thebabywearer.com, particularly their forums.