Tuesday, 4 December 2012


I find myself, frustratingly, in that place again. I am the sort of tired where having to get up makes me want to whimper and cry. I'm tired, just let me sleep, I'm too tired.

I don't like being in this place. I don't like being this person.

I can't even pin it on the baby; sweet girl sleeps well at night, most of the time. No, it's just an utter bone-deep exhaustion. It makes everything feel infinitely more difficult. Pain in the blessing and all that.

Worse, the children have eaten my brain. I was intelligent once, as I recall. Now I walk into a room and forget what I needed. I think of something and it escapes me just as quickly. I stand up to change the baby's diaper and find myself, a few minutes later, folding laundry. How did this happen? I was on my way to fetch a clean diaper. Why am I folding laundry?

I don't know.

It's frustrating, this brain fog, and only compounds the challenges of exhaustion. Nothing is clear, nothing seems easy.

Then I hear the baby's cry. Sweet girl has woken up. I go to her, pick her up, kiss the top of her fuzzy head, witness her wide toothless smile...and suddenly everything is clear. This warm baby in my arms, that sweet toddler on the couch, that beautifully creative boy painting pictures at the table, they are all so very worth this. I may have misplaced my brain right along with my ability to stay awake through an entire day, but I get them instead.

Worthwhile trade, if you ask me.

Yet still, I know this isn't a good place to stay in. I know my body, and it has spent these past couple of weeks telling me, loudly, that it needs care too. I am working on things, finding ways to get rest, to nourish my body, to supplement where needed, to ask for help, oh why is that always the hardest? But necessary, I remind myself.

Here's to hoping I will soon return to the post-children normal of only being moderately exhausted and brainless, instead of completely.



  1. The exhaustion is so hard! I think the lack of sleep is not the only contributor - it is exhausting to be "on" all the time, around the clock. And especially when adjusting to a new routine, a new family member, anything new!

    take it easy, eat well, sleep as much as you can. this too shall pass!

  2. Huge virtual hugs and cake.

    Tiredness is so difficult and it affects everything else we do so much. I have no magic words of advice but try and take every moments peace you can.

  3. Thank you for your honesty. I am a parent to 1 newborn and feel tired and without a brain most days. I can't imagine 3. :) Every sleepless night is worth it but nothing really prepares you for the kind of exhaustion that comes with parenting.

  4. How I wish they knew what amazingly wonderful parents we would be if we were well rested, cared for, and supported in every way! Some days are just one foot in front of the other, and then when in time we look back, we can clearly see the way our hearts have been slowly molded out like clay pots by these hands of sufferring, endurance, presence admist diffuculty, and love to hold ever more love and thus ultimately, ever more joy. I love your posts. Thank you.

  5. Thanks for sharing. Always good to know we're not alone in our exhaustion (mine from grad school, not children). Hoping you get some rest soon :)