Tuesday 24 January 2012

The big stuff

Somehow I thought these early years would be the hardest years. They were full of sleepless nights, marathon nursing sessions, and the long days of steady teaching, guiding, correcting, and connecting. There was simply so very much to teach a toddler. One day, I thought, things will settle down. These hands-on days of babyhood, toddlerhood, and the preschool stage would calm down eventually. His needs would be less demanding, his independent play would last longer, and maybe I'd be able to read an entire page in a book without interruption. I could sit and relax more often. Maybe I'd even get to sleep through the night again.

Now I have the privilege of bearing witness to the boy emerging from those years. He is entering the more independent years; his needs feel less demanding, less exhausting. He is no longer inclined to whack another child on the head for taking his toy, or to lie down and throw a tantrum when he doesn't get his way. He knows how to help out, how to clear away his plate after a meal, how to tidy his toys at the end of the day. He is heart-meltingly affectionate towards his little "bruzzer". When he goes on a playdate with a friend and leaves me behind, I don't worry. He's a good kid. I know he'll be polite and will behave appropriately. He's growing up.

But now that those early hands-on years are ending, I begin to feel the tug of bigger issues. The implications of failure are so much more frightening than forming good dental hygiene habits or correctly identifying shapes and colours. How do I get across to a growing individual the necessity of hard work, the satisfaction of a job well done? How do I help him to understand the importance of speaking and writing well if you wish to be taken seriously? How do I encourage him to make the right choice even when it means taking the hard path? How do I ensure he develops an healthy, accurate, well-rounded view of God? How do I do all this and more without messing things up? I feel ill-prepared.

Those early years - curbing a little one's desire to throw food on the floor, teaching a small child how to gain control of himself when the desire to throw a tantrum begins to take root - suddenly feel like the easy years. The years ahead loom big and important and more than a little frightening. I know that the answer has its foundation in relationship and connection, but will it be enough?

Will I be enough?

8 comments:

  1. He will know because he will see you doing it. You and your husband will be his living examples. Most often, I believe children do what they see...not what they are told. For a good logistical tool...we use Accountable Kids. It teaches him to be responsible for himself, without your prompting. We really love it, because it shows him the value of making good decisions on his own. You are a great mom!

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    1. Ah, yes, Aleisha, leading by example is the most powerful way of guiding. Great reminder. The Accountable Kids kit sounds very interesting; thanks for sharing!

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  2. So many different stages of motherhood! They are all hard and amazing at the same time!!

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    1. Oh yes on the amazing as well. I find myself saying at each new stage, "this is my favourite stage yet", but it's not true: I love the uniqueness of each of them!

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  3. I have no doubt you have already instilled many of these important lessons in him by your parenting of him this far in his life, and the attachment you've formed will help him trust and follow your example from here on out. I look forward to learning from you as you go before me on this journey of parenting an older child.

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    1. I appreciate the encouragement, Shannon. Thank you for your kind words.

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  4. I have been feeling these same issues very much these days. On dark, worried nights my thoughts feed off my own insecurities about employment/career. On sunnier days it is amazing to see how pleasant it is to be with my eldest as she matures.

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    1. Yes, Michelle, that's it exactly - the back and forth between joy and fear, joy and fear, joy and fear. I love this stage and I'm scared of it. It's good to know it's not just me; thank you.

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