Sunday 6 January 2013

Finding a new (old) groove

New year, new possibilities, new groove.

We're loving our wide-open days. The boys are signed up for swim lessons. They're in the same class together, it's just too precious for words. The older one spent an afternoon at a Lego robotics class and another afternoon tubing with his grandparents; the younger one and I have been loving the time spent together, just us, and did you know he talks a mile a minute when his big brother's not around?

Too precious for words.

This little girl of mine, she's cooing and rolling and giggling like mad. I am so over-the-moon in love with her magical self. She's - you guessed it - simply too precious for words.

Words. The idea of them has been on my mind for a while now. I love words. I love the feel of them, the shape of them, their sound, stringing them together, arranging and rearranging, getting them just right, the whole process. It's grand.

I don't know if you can tell, though.

I've been trying too hard these past few months. Sometimes I'll close my eyes and let my fingers fly, but too often I'm cautious, deliberate. It's not enough to just write anymore. No, now you have to have a perfect picture to go along with each post. Bonus points if it has text on it - makes for a better pin, you know? Add share buttons to the bottom of each post, and then share that post like mad yourself (don't forget to consider optimal share time on the various social media sites - and you are on all of them, right?). Find out what your readers want and then give it to them! Don't write about too many different subjects, just carve out your one specific niche and stick to that. Lists are best, people like lists. Update your layout, get a blogging calendar going, and don't forget that engaging with your Facebook page is nearly a full-time job in itself. You really ought to try vlogging once in a while. And it's been nearly six years, when are you going to get that About page published, don't you know how integral those are?

Then I read similar thoughts from Megan and Heather and I know I'm not alone in feeling this way, and wasn't that really why we all started blogging in the first place? To know we weren't alone, to let others know they weren't alone? We're all figuring out this life as we go along, and it's comforting to hear that we're not the only ones who don't have our crap together. You mean it's not just me who still feels like I'm pretending at this whole "adult" thing? Awesome.

But lately it feels like blogging is less about writing and more about marketing. I don't want that. Not for me, not for you.

Yes, there's you. And that's the other half of it, isn't it? I'm honoured by your presence here. I value your time. It's precisely because of that that I've been fighting with myself for a while. There's a little voice in my head telling me that if I'm not going to write a "worthy" post, then I shouldn't bother to write at all. With all this stuff that goes along with blogging now, part of me feels like if I want to be a serious writer, this is the cost, just go along with it. But another part of me is shouting forget it! I don't have time for all that, I'm busy living and loving and all I want to do is bang out a few words in my few spare moments for the pure joy of it.

Always the frustrating cycle: I want to write, I love to write, but there are all these blogging "extras" now and I just don't have the time or inclination to get sucked into all of that, but then why bother blogging at all if I'm not going to keep up with the whole blogging "culture", but I want to write, I love to write...

Enough.

While our little family is feeling our way into a new groove this year, I'm feeling my way backwards. I'm reaching for my old groove, where I wrote for the sheer love of it. Perfect pictures be damned, forget fancy titles, I don't have any lessons to share because I'm just as lost and imperfect as you are, you beautiful soul.

I'm not sure which to apologize for - sorry for getting sucked into it or sorry for tossing it all away again - but I'm just happy to be settling back into the good ol' blogging days. Maybe it was useful to try out a few new things, consider some different possibilities. This is my year of being open, after all. But now I think I'll be open to simplicity again, open to old ways, open to doubling back when the path beneath my feet no longer feels right.

I'm rediscovering my old groove, and it feels unbelievably free.

13 comments:

  1. As usual, we are on the same wavelength at the same time.... I've been doing soul searching lately on my blog...

    I do choose to keep it open to the public because I have friends and family spread around the world - and until I get my family newsletter up and going again - this is one of the only ways they can catch up on what's going on in our wee little world...

    But I'm not into keeping up with the Jones' of the blogging world (why does everything need to be so....so.. franchised??)... and I have come to the conclusion that I need to continue writing....for ME... no one else...

    I'm looking forward to reading your blog in the coming year... :)

    Love Trace xx

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    1. Trace, you are always such an affirming voice in my life. :) I look forward to continuing to read your writing as well. Best wishes to you this year!

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  2. For what it's worth, it's your open-hearted, flow-of-consciousness kinds of posts that are the ones with which I connect best. Looking forward to hearing your voice in this space again this year :)

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    1. Thank you, Kristyn, for that encouraging feedback. :)

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  3. My favourite blogs (yours included!) are those where I can get a sense of the human being behind the screen. Where there's a story, as well as some interesting things to learn about or be inspired by.

    I struggle with the "blogging rules" from time to time, and find that I write "blogging rules" posts more often during periods when I'm less inspired - it's more like cooking from a recipe rather than creating something new on the fly. There's a time for both kinds of writing, but the creative stuff takes more energy.

    I am very much looking forward to a time when my energy is not so used up by moving so I can get down to writing again. And looking forward to reading what you have to say in this new (old) groove too. :)

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    1. That is such a great way to think about it, Michelle: like cooking from a recipe, useful at certain times. I love that perspective!

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  4. love it. :)


    I struggle with my little blog too. I keep trying to start "regular themed posts" on some idea that it will build readership and after who knows how many years of not having a good track record with that - I really should just give it up and write what I want to write when I want to write it.

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    1. What I want when I want, such a perfect summary. :) I love your beautiful blog.

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  5. We love your blog! We come back here because it is just solid beautiful writing without all the frills. Please don't change anything or worry about the blogging culture :) Some of those other sites are a bit too much and overwhelming. I don't want to be marketed to. Just want to read beautiful and honest words. Thank you for yours.

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    1. Thank you for those kind and encouraging words. :)

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  6. I found your blog by searching, out of pure frustration, for Christian attachment parenting, because I was so frustrated by how I felt called to a parent as a Christian and the Christian community acting as though I would be passively sinning by not spanking and by cuddling and not rushing them, and the AP community being too newagey for me. I love reading your blog and feeling like there's a real person who's a little further along the motherhood path than me who understands the culture and subculture that I'm part of. Commercialised blogs that follow the blog rules have to be broader and often blander than bloggers who just want to write, and I find it very difficult to relate to them.

    I really do love reading your blog. It's been such an encouragement and blessing to me for the past eight months

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    1. That is so encouraging to hear, Lauren. Thank you for sharing how you arrived here. I sincerely hope my words continue to be a blessing to you, just as your comment was for me.

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  7. I'm glad you're back! I don't follow many blogs, because honestly, who has time for that?! But yours is one that I do follow, and I'm happy to see it up and running again :) Your blog inspires me. The birth center where I birthed our daughter nine months ago has asked me to be their blogger...and I am not fancy with words like you. I don't have advice or knowledge or witty things to say. I have one baby, not three. My experience is just that, my own experience, not very relevat for other people. So I turn to your blog for some inspiration before I try to type out my own measly little piece for my little blog. It's nice to have you back.

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