Friday 16 October 2009

Hello, big boy

My darling boy is officially two and a half.

He's not my little baby anymore. He wouldn't let me call him one even if I tried - he's a self-acclaimed "big boy" now - and yet in some ways he'll always be my baby.

My first, the one who made me a Mother, the one who taught me so much about love. He's still teaching me and I imagine he always will. So many of his lessons these days are about pure and simple joy, the kind he approaches each day full of.

I am ashamed by the number of times a day he sees me getting annoyed, impatient, angry, and stops to ask me, are you happy, Mommy? No, darling, but thank you - again - for the reminder. Our lives are so full, our Souls so deeply loved, and yet here you notice me sighing because you tell me you need to use the bathroom again. (As though I go any less infrequently, with your little brother or sister bouncing on top of my bladder!) What foolishness I get impatient over, what little things I allow to steal my joy. But there's always you, bringing me back to reality - are you happy, Mommy?

I am continually amazed by his hunger and thirst for knowledge. Always asking questions, always seeking more, always wanting to know about this world around him. Every time I start to worry - should he know this by now? how do I go about teaching him this? - he surprises me by beginning to show a natural interest in it. And yet I keep forgetting. Just leave him be. He will learn when he is ready, as evidenced by the constant stream of what letter is this? that I am now responding to countless times a day. He will have me convinced in no time that unschooling truly is the best choice for us.

I am so humbled, too, as I watch his understanding of God grow. I envy his eagerness to read "Jesus stories" - where did my thirst, my hunger, for the Word of God go? I love how naturally he talks about Jesus and the innocent way he incorporates his enthusiasm into his daily life and play. I can't help but laugh at some of the deductions he arrives at, like the way his boat must have come from Jesus because it is made from a tree ("Jesus bought it for me!"). Oh, that I could remember so easily that every good and perfect gift does indeed come from our Father in Heaven, and praise Him so readily for every blessing.

As eager as I am to meet our second child, I am almost as eager to see him meet his little brother or sister. I love how excited he is about it, and I pray that excitement continues when a little baby is actually here, occupying his mother's lap, time, and attention. It's fun to watch him make his own connections - to realize that he was once in my womb as well, to learn about the reason for his bellybutton, to arrive at his own conclusions as to how things must work. His sweet and compassionate spirit is encouraging as well, as I know that the kisses he gives me to make my owies better will be lavished just as freely on another little child. His impatience for this little one to arrive is catching - I find myself wishing the weeks would go faster, even while feeling a sense of mourning that this incredible boy will no longer be my only. It is so hard to imagine right now that I could ever love another child the same way - and yet I know it will be true.

Until then, I will make the most of these last eight weeks together. Our days are so full and so enjoyable - stacks of books that must be read through, puddles that must be jumped in, muffins that must be baked, cars that must be driven along the "roads" on the bedspread, and an incredible blossoming imagination that must be explored. How I love each new phrase and idea that pours from him in a steady stream of chatter all day long.

I've said it every step of the way so far - this is my favourite age yet.

Happy half birthday, my sweet and silly boy.

Monday 12 October 2009


Having unpacked the last of the boxes last week, we are now "officially" moved in to our new home. And home it is. I had my doubts at first (at least, I'm pretty sure "sobbing in misery upon seeing the place" would be considered as having some doubts), but putting together the furniture and unpacking 30 or so boxes really does wonders for the homeyness of a place. Hanging our family photos and setting out some sentimental decoration has completed this transformation from house to home.

This past month has been filled with all the details of moving, and the month to come promises more of the same. License transfers, moving expenses, missing items, baby preparations in a new city, a new transit system, new routines, a lack of community - some days it's all I can do not to break down into fresh tears.

With the many worries that have been crowding in lately, it has been good to pause and remember all that I have to be thankful for. This weekend was a wonderful restful celebration of those things with my husband's family. There was much laughter, good food, and a deep sense of thankfulness, all wrapped in a soothing continuous conversation. We said our goodbye's early this afternoon and already miss their presence.

So here's to all those blessings in my life - a husband who has never given me cause to doubt his love for me, a beautiful little boy who fills my days with laughter and wonder, a growing child within me, a home that truly is perfect for us, the love of our families, and food to fill our cupboards and fridge. We want for nothing, and tomorrow's worries are just that - tomorrow's.