Misconceptions

It often frustrates me how many misconceptions there are in regards to the way I parent.

It became even more obvious when my in-laws were here this summer. We spent much of their visit travelling, which meant two long days in the car with a little boy who isn't terribly fond of long car rides. He had an even harder time of it because there were two people in the backseat with him the whole time, keeping him awake in their attempts to keep him happy. At the end of a very long day, back at home at last, my MIL - the most patient and kind lady I know - snapped at me something along the lines of "as if you would have let us leave him to cry anyway."

And yet that was exactly what I had wished she had done! Just leave the poor boy alone so he could fall asleep, even if it meant a few minutes of fussing with someone sitting right next to him holding his hand. Obviously getting out of his carseat was not an option, and a full day in the car with a baby who has not had his nap is, well, less than fun.

(To be clear - this is not a rant about my MIL, whom I love dearly. I simply mention this incident because it was the one that made me realize just how misconstrued my parenting was.)

We don't leave our son to cry himself to sleep at night. We have a good many reasons for this, most centering on the psychological and emotional impact of doing so. I'll save a more detailed explanation of why for another day.

This does not, however, mean that our child never cries. It does not me that we avoid sad, angry, or upset feelings at all costs. It does not mean we are constantly seeking to placate our child. It does not mean we are scared of our child's feelings.

Along those same lines, the fact that we parent our child to sleep, co-sleep, and continue to breastfeed him does not mean that we are "spoiling" him, allowing him to control things, or preventing him from gaining independence. Quite the contrary - physical contact, reassurance, and prompt responses to distress in infancy and childhood provide a secure foundation that leads to secure and confident adults who are better able to form healthy and functional relationships.

I frequently hear equally incorrect assumptions about our discipline techniques. We do not spank, slap, or otherwise hit our son as a form of "discipline". We have many reasons for this, generally relating to the ineffectiveness and the negative long-term effects of spanking (again, another post for another day).

Upon hearing this, the typical response is to launch into a long and wholly unnecessary diatribe on the evils of permissiveness and the necessity of discipline. Alternatively, you get brushed off as having embraced some "newfangled pop psychology" where everything is sunshine and roses 24/7 and your child can do no wrong.

*sigh*

We are not a permissive family. We are fully aware of the necessity of discipline. We simply do not choose to hit our children as a method of such.

But on the other end of the spectrum, neither are we an adversarial family. We do not look at our child as something to be conquered, as an enemy to be fought against, or as a strong will to be broken.

PhD in Parenting wrote an excellent post on discipline that summed up my feelings on the matter exactly. I couldn't say it any better than she already has.

It just frustrates me to no end when people jump to these assumptions upon hearing that we don't leave our child to cry-it-out or use spanking as a method of "discipline". It would certainly be easier for us if we did either of these things. Leaving my child to cry-it-out would save me a lot of time currently spent parenting my child to sleep. Spanking could certainly achieve outward results faster than the methods we have chosen.

But rather than convenience and appearances, I'm more concerned about the long-term effects of my parenting (is this going to lead to a secure and confident healthy adult?) and about my child's inward state rather than merely his outward behaviour (is he able to make wise decisions of his own accord, or just to avoid punishment?). Am I giving him the secure foundation he needs? Am I coming alongside him to disciple him into maturity? Is his heart in the right place - or does he just appear to be a "good boy"?

For now I simply trust that, in time, the results will speak for themselves.

A sad day for America

Obama has been declared president-elect.

My condolences to you, America.

"Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children's children what it was once like in the United States where men were free."
Ronald Reagan

To those who voted against this, be encouraged. Change does not come only from within the White House. Change comes from the little everyday things that we do ourselves - loving our neighbours, caring for the poor, the sick, the orphaned, the widowed, raising our children with grace and truth, and teaching our children that which is just, right, and merciful.

As my husband and I watched the election coverage last night, I couldn't help but feeling that despite the disgusting amount of racism that still exists in America, black people have come much further than women have. These past months of campaigning have been evidence of that, with Palin mocked for everything from her hair and her shoes to the sparsity of the state she governed. Nothing she said or did, past or present, was taken seriously by the public or by the media. The Freedom of Choice Act is further evidence - women don't need to be told the truth, they're much too fragile and emotional for that, we'd much rather withhold information from them or even straight out lie to them. Silly little creatures, those women-folk are.

But that's another issue in itself.

Good luck, America. I fear you'll need it.

First snow of the season

The little man wasn't too sure what to think when he looked out the window to see the first snow of the season last week.

He stood there staring for a long time, occasionally scratching his head or looking back at me with a questioning look on his face.

But now the snow's gone again and today is beautiful. We just got back from a nice walk. The little guy's napping and I am trying to decide which of my many projects to tackle first - which so often results in me doing none of them because I just can't make up my mind. Ah, indecisiveness.

Should I work? If so, which work? Accounting? Marking? Spreadsheet development? Should I knit? Perhaps get started on a hat for Mama to Mama's Caps to Cap-Haitien Project? Or continue working on the hat my darling husband has so sweetly asked me to knit for him? Maybe get caught up on e-mails, or continue working on some more substantial blog posts?

You see? I can't handle all these options!

Ah well. Time to go do something.

Parenting challenges

Last week I hit my first major parenting challenge.

It snowed. Which meant I had to buy my toddler boots.

Gasps of horror, I know!

First I had to figure out what size his feet were. I've been careful about what shoes he wears. We started off with Robeez, which were great. When he wore a hole through those and needed something tougher for outdoors, we switched to Robeez Tredz - also great. Unfortunately, they're all sized by months, so I hadn't the foggiest idea what his shoe size was.

I picked up a boot that looked about the same size as his shoe. I went to slip it onto his foot...and that was about as far as I got. I pushed, I jammed, I rammed, I pushed some more - that boot was not going on his foot. Fine. I tried a bigger size. More pushing, more ramming - five minutes later I was sweating, he was giving me this weird look, and I was ready to call off the boot hunt and just carry him around all winter with several layers of socks on.

So we tried a different store. I found a boot that had a liner - surely that would make it easier somehow.

Hah!

I'm pretty sure I had people laughing at me as I tried to jam this stupid boot onto his foot. He thought it was pretty hilarious, anyway.

At this point I started getting a little irrational. As in the "why would anyone let me raise a kid when I don't even know how to buy him boots!!" sort of irrational.

Yes. It was boots that first made me feel like a failure at this whole parenting thing.

Not sleep issues. Not food issues. Not discipline issues.

Boots.

And so it went, boot after boot, size after size, style after style. Most boots felt like trying to ram an oversized couch around a corner in a skinny hallway, only his foot was the oversized couch and the boot was the woefully small and unyielding hallway. Some boots managed to fit on his foot, but then he couldn't walk in them, they were so tall and stiff (although I must confess it was a bit amusing to watch him try). Some boots weren't up to the challenge of keeping little feet warm enough during a cold Canadian winter. And some boots were just plain ugly.

Finally we managed to find two half-decent options. They fit on his feet with minimal swearing and sweating, they felt toasty warm, he could walk in them, and they were pretty cute to boot (pun fully intended - you may commence groaning now). Hubby and I agreed on one of the two pairs, me because it was the more flexible of the two, him because it just so happened to be a Toronto Maple Leafs boot (his favourite hockey team - and, by extension, the boy's favourite until he's old enough to start cheering for the Ottawa Senators just to make his dad mad).

Success! We bought the boots, and the little guy spent the rest of the evening gleefully stomping around the house in them.

Turns out I might be able to handle this parenting thing after all.

NaBloPoMo

A day late and a dollar short - but better late than never.

(Sorry, I couldn't help myself.)

Every year I'm impressed by those who undertake the NaNoWriMo challenge. I find the idea intriguing, tempting, overwhelming, and fun - but mostly just overwhelming. This year, though, I think I can manage NaBloPoMo - National Blog Posting Month. If you'll forgive my missing yesterday's post, I will aim to blog every day this month.

Maybe I'll even manage to clear out the - let's see - ten half-finished blog posts I've got on the go right now.

Wish me luck!

Obama or McCain?

I'm not typically one for politics. It's too big and murky and uncertain for me. How do you vote for one person when there are so many issues at stake, when you agree with candidate A on issues a, b, and c, and you agree with candidate B on issues x, y, and z, and you think everyone's going about issue d the wrong way? It feels like there's no winning - or, perhaps, no losing, for the eternal optimists out there.

But there's an election coming up that, for once, I have come to feel quite strongly about. Which is sort of a shame, because it's the American election, and I'm Canadian. So I don't get a say anyway.

Well, here's my say, for what it's worth.

If Obama becomes president, he has said that the first thing he will do is sign the Freedom of Choice Act. The FOCA would annihilate every single state law limiting or regulating abortion, including the federal ban on partial birth abortion. It would effectively nullify informed consent laws, waiting periods, parental notification or consent laws, and health and safety regulations for abortion clinics. As FOCA will become a constitutional right, medical professionals and institutions that refuse abortions would lose legal protections. Government officials, too, will be left open to lawsuits, as FOCA prohibits any government agency or official from taking any action that would "discriminate against the exercise of" the FOCA-created legal rights, with respect to any "benefits, facilities, services, or information" - which would include something as simple as a pro-life speech given by a public official.

(As a side note, Obama's support of federal hate crime laws to include sexual orientation should also be worrisome to those who may soon find their morals dictated to them by the government.)

I will never understand the legalization of partial birth abortion. However you feel about abortion itself, partial birth abortion is so absolutely horrifying and undeniably wrong that it could not be considered anything less than murder.

Of course, Obama did make his views on children even more clear when he said he didn't want his daughters "punished" with a baby if they make a mistake. I wasn't aware that babies - even unexpected ones - were punishment.

Something else I don't understand - Obama had this to say in his speech to Planned Parenthood:

"In 1966, the Planned Parenthood Federation of America gave its first Margaret Sanger Award to Martin Luther King, Jr. And in his acceptance speech, which was delivered by his strong and wonderful wife Coretta, Dr. King wrote, “Our sure beginning in the struggle for equality by non-violent, direct action may not have been so resolute without the tradition established by Margaret Sanger and people like her.”

That struggle for equality is not over and now we are at one of those rare moments where we can actually transform our politics in a fundamental way. But it’s going to take people as resolute as Mrs. Sanger and Dr. King..."

It literally shocks me that, given Margaret Sanger's racist eugenic ideology, Obama would hold her up as a forerunner in the struggle for equality. The logic...well, it simply escapes me.

McCain, on the other hand, supports giving legal protection to unborn children, and opposes government funding for abortions. McCain is pro-life with the goal of eliminating the need for abortions in the first place - something that truly gets to the heart of the issue.

But there are many who are not disappointed by the promise of FOCA. So leaving the abortion issue aside, what else would an Obama presidency bring?

Obama opposes allowing parents to homeschool their children with little or no government interference. Obama's education fact sheet includes more daycare ("education from birth"), voluntary (for now) universal preschool, and government workers coming into people's homes to see how the parents are doing ("evidence-based home visiting programs"). A review of his education platform on his website shows a threatening push to place children under the government's banner of care.

McCain, on the other hand, supports the right of a parent to choose among schools for their child, including home education. A review of his education platform on his website shows a strong emphasis on empowering parents to choose and providing freedom of education.

Speaking of parenting freedoms, how about vaccinations? McCain believes in the right for individuals (and in the case of children, parents) to make informed health care decisions, and does not support pre-empting these prerogatives. Obama has said that he is "not for selective vax". Combine a firm position of pro-vaccine on schedule with mandatory UHC insurance for children...yikes.

At the heart of it - McCain trusts you to parent your own kids. Obama thinks he can do a better job than you.

Ronald Reagan said it well:

"I hope we have once again reminded people that man is not free unless government is limited. There's a clear cause and effect here that is as neat and predictable as a law of physics: as government expands, liberty contracts."

Economically, Obama opposes the passage of a law requiring a balanced budget. Where is the fiscal responsibility and accountability in this? McCain, on the other hand, supports the passage of such a law.

McCain supports the appointment of judges who are strict constructionists, ones that will not legislate from the bench. Obama opposes this. I find some of Obama's statements on this subject to be particularly frightening. It is relevant to remember that an Obama presidency would last four years - but Supreme Court nominees serve an average of 15 years and can stay as long as they like.

I'm going to stop there for now, as far as Obama/McCain goes, despite the many more issues I have with Obama. I've found the political entries over at Parenting Freedom to be highly revealing, and much more in-depth than my non-political mind tends to go. (I've also rather enjoyed her many Sarah Palin pictures, all with her beautiful family right there beside her.) I'd like to end with a slight shift in focus - third party votes.

I know many people don't like either candidates and dislike the thought of voting for the "lesser evil". Some (hat tip to Lauren) have suggested that we need to think in the long term, sacrificing our votes now in hopes of eventually getting to the point where a third party could mean something. I understand that argument, I truly do, and normally would encourage the idea of voting for a third party.

In this particular election, however, I could not do so. My vote would go firmly to McCain.

As it stands right now, it looks as though the election could go either way - Obama or McCain - and perhaps more likely Obama. It seems (and I could be wrong) that most people who vote third party would look at McCain as the lesser of two evils if they had to choose. If all of those third party votes went to McCain instead, it could mean the difference in who becomes the next president. So while I feel it is admirable to vote for the person you feel most comfortable with - even if it is a third party - this year I would have to vote for McCain. I would so hate to see Obama elected that even if I wasn't 100% comfortable with McCain (and I do disagree with him on some issues), I would forgo the third party vote and vote for McCain instead. Considering the issue of Supreme Court judge appointments - this is a long-term matter.

So for those who support the rights of the unborn, the rights of parents, and the right to believe as you choose and act accordingly, for those who want accountability and a balanced budget, for those who prefer personal freedoms to "big government" - vote for McCain, not a third party. The election is uncertain enough that all of those "throw away" third party votes could make the difference between Obama winning and McCain winning. And to me, Obama is by far the greater evil.

Appreciating fall

I have decided that this year will be the year that I learn to love fall.

I've never been terribly fond of it before. It's cold and wet and chilly. The fresh berries are gone. The trees lose their leaves. Winter starts looming.

(Oh, how I detest winter.)

But no. This year I will enjoy fall. And so far I have. It was helped along by my growing interest in food and sustainability. What grows in what season? What should I look for? What are the local farmers selling now? What new in-season foods can I add to our menu? What new recipes can I try?

Last week it was apple butter and apple sauce. Nothing fancy, but I've never made either before so it was exciting enough for me. Tonight it was roasted butternut squash. That stuff is delicious!

I've also been enjoying apple cider this month. This intrigues me, as I've always hated apple juice. To be perfectly honest, it looks and smells like pee. Which makes me think it tastes like pee. But apple cider? YUM.

Fall also means the return of the pumpkin hat! Oh pumpkin hat, how I adore thee. (Though not nearly as much as I adore the little boy whose head you sit upon.)



Fall means carpets of leaves to wade through in the wooded area behind our house.



Why have I never properly appreciated this place before? It's beautiful. Our own secret land to explore...



...or just to admire as we sit and contemplate.



So I've decided - fall isn't so bad after all.

Perhaps next year I can work on appreciating winter too.


Apple Butter

Peel and quarter 10 apples and place in large pot.



Add:
1 1/2 cups brown sugar
1 1/4 cups apple juice
1 Tbsp ground cinnamon
1 Tbsp lemon juice
1 tsp ground allspice
1 tsp ground nutmeg
1/2 tsp ground cloves



Admire your spice rack for the umpteenth time.



Heat all ingredients to boiling, stirring occasionally. Reduce heat. Cover and simmer for 1 hour. Mash apples. Simmer uncovered for 1 hour more, stirring occasionally.



Cool for 2 hours and store in the fridge for up to 3 weeks (alternatively, freeze or can it). Serve with the most amazing biscuits ever. Make a mental note to thank your MIL for that Betty Crocker cookbook.




Applesauce

Peel and quarter 4 apples and place in crock pot.



You'll notice mine are unpeeled. Big mistake. I'd read that they were easier to peel after they had been cooked. Again - big mistake. It didn't even give my applesauce the nice "rosy glow" I had been promised. Next time, I peel my apples before cooking them.

Add:
1/4 cup water
1/4 cup brown sugar
1/4 tsp ground cinnamon
1/8 tsp ground nutmeg



Cover and cook on High for 2 hours or until apples are tender. Stir/mash/puree to desired consistency.



Store in fridge (or can it).



I'm beginning to love fall.



Next up - making pumpkin bread with that cute little pie pumpkin. Assuming I don't change my mind and decide to make pumpkin butter instead. Or pumpkin pie. Or pumpkin cookies.

Oh, the decisions.