Monday 3 February 2014

Lucky Seven

It has been seven years since I married that man.

They say the seventh year is the hardest and Lord knows that was true for us. The seventh year was one of tears and heartache and every day the fight to press on, to show up, to love well. The seventh year was the year during which all my pretty pictures of our marriage came crashing down as truth came to light. The seventh year didn't feel lucky at all.

In the weeks leading up to this day, I didn't want to think about it much. Couldn't we just let it pass quietly and unobserved? What was there to celebrate this year?

I couldn't have been more wrong.

Oh, this year was hard in so many of the worst ways. But there is so much to celebrate as well. There are the obvious things, yes, a graduation and a good job and a new home and other such cherished blessings, but there are quieter celebrations to be had as well. We both showed up, every day, to fight for what was lost. We both showed courage beyond what either of us has had to show thus far in our marriage. We grew to know each other more deeply, to love each other better, to be honest no matter what it cost us because the alternative was the end of this, of us. We rediscovered each other in beautiful ways. We held each other through so many nights of tears. God. It's beautiful. It's worth celebrating, every single pain-drenched minute of it.

Our marriage has been sifted and what remains is more solid, more treasured, and more focused now that the extraneous has been shaken away. So many of the old things no longer matter, the things that used to seem so big and important. I think of our marriage today and our marriage a year ago and I wouldn't trade these months of pain to go back to the way things were. I would have told you back then that our marriage was lovely, and in many ways it was, but it was only a shadow of what it could have been, of what it now is.

We celebrate less naively this year, but perhaps more joyously than ever.


  1. I'm glad that you both are working together on it.
    It makes me sad when people walk away from their marriage. My best friend and her husband had a difficult time for awhile, many encouraged her to walk away- he admitted what he did was wrong, asked for her forgiveness. They spent a lot of time praying, asking for forgiveness and the ability to trust in Him and move forward. I love both of them, and I so happy that they made it through. They have been married for almost 23 years ( they too were high school sweet hearts). I'm glad that you both have stuck it thru ;)

    1. What a beautiful story. Thank you so much for that encouragement.

  2. I found myself nodding along with every word. I have found the same to be true in my own marriage - that the dark days of grief and betrayal have been a gift. That we are deeper in love now, that we are kinder to each other and to ourselves, and that we have learned to find the beauty in every step.

    Happy anniversary to you and your husband. May there be many more to come!

    1. What beautiful words, Kristyn. Kinder to each other and to ourselves, oh yes, that. Thank you.