A federal judge overturned California's ban on same-sex marriage on Wednesday, ruling that the voter-approved Proposition 8 violates the 14th Amendment of the U.S. Constitution.
I've already written about my views on homosexual marriage. I am a Christian. I believe that homosexual acts are a sin in the eyes of God. And I support homosexual marriage rights.
I believe that laws should not legislate morality, but should protect people from the immoral actions of others, such as theft, assault, and murder. In that regard, I do believe that homosexual civil unions should be allowed. You cannot and should not legislate religious morality. For one thing, a theocracy would be a terrifying thing, and for another, you cannot legislate people into heart-level moral behaviour.
I'm not American myself, and I'm always confused when some of my American friends start going on about America being a "Christian nation". What does that even mean? How can a nation be "Christian"? And do these people honestly want a theocracy in place, as though a) you can legislate people into a saving relationship with Christ and b) trust the government with that sort of power?
It boggles my mind.
There are those who believe homosexual marriage should remain illegal on the grounds that it is a sin in the eyes of God. Should premarital sex be illegal? Should co-habitation be illegal? Granted, we don't license intercourse or habitation arrangements. However, co-habitating couples do, after a period of time, become treated as a "married couple" as far as tax issues, health benefits, medical emergencies, and so on. Homosexual couples have no such rights. If both situations are religiously immoral, why should co-habitating couples have those rights, but homosexual couples should not?
The whole system needs overhaul, you say. Sure. But that doesn't change the reality of what is. Right now homosexual couples cannot have those arrangements that heterosexual married and co-habitating couples can have. That is what this is about. That secular inequality is what people are fighting against. Yes, there is also another level of wanting recognition as a couple in society, and an even further extreme (which I wholeheartedly disagree with) of wanting to legislate "tolerance" even within the church by forcing clergy to marry homosexual couples, but the very basic foundation of this is fueled by those sorts of legal arrangements - property, custody, power of attorney.
Of course marriage is more than that, and at a heart level, a piece of paper really means very little as far as commitment goes. Homosexual couples know this, co-habitating couples know this, married heterosexual couples know this, and Christians know this. Christians take it one step further and make a covenant before God. But when it comes down to the secular side of things, those legal arrangements mean a great deal. Can you imagine having no say in what happens to your partner in a medical emergency? Sinful relationship or not, it must be absolutely heartbreaking.
Allowing homosexual couples to have those secular rights in no way invalidates the holiness of marriage, nor does allowing them to marry, in the legal sense, make it any more likely or unlikely that homosexual acts will occur. It's not as though people are avoiding homosexual relationships because they can't be legally married. The relationships exist either way. Refusing to give homosexual couples "legitimacy" doesn't prevent homosexual relationships. It doesn't prevent homosexual acts. It only prevents homosexual couples from having those same civil rights that married heterosexual and co-habitating couples are already afforded.
There are so many things that are religiously immoral but also legal. You cannot have a Christian society, only Christian individuals, and allowing homosexual couples to be legally recognized as such doesn't change that at all.
But there is an opposite extreme which I want to speak to as well. You should not legislate morality, no, but you should not legislate "tolerance" either. My only concern with allowing homosexual unions is that it would not stop there. There absolutely does appear to be an agenda to require clergy to perform homosexual marriages within the church (or, stated the way those with an agenda present it, to "prohibit discrimination" on the part of clergy), regardless of the clergy member's beliefs. That I vehemently oppose.
You want equal rights under a secular legal system? I'll support you. You want everyone to be forced to approve of your relationship? Too bad. The government does not exist to make everyone "like you". I'm not even just talking about homosexual marriage here. It's an attitude I see all over the place now as far as legal "rights" go. So-and-so doesn't like me, waaaah, make them like me! Such-and-such offends me, waaaah, make it go away! Stop whining. The government upholds your rights, not your desire to be loved and accepted. Some people won't like you. Some people will like you, will love you, but will morally disagree with your lifestyle choices and won't in good conscience be able to perform a marriage ceremony for you. Accept that and find someone who will - goodness knows there are plenty of churches out there now that are perfectly okay doing so.
Personally, I believe civil unions should be permitted between any consenting adults, period. I also believe the church should retain its own separate ability to perform marriage ceremonies for only those they morally support. I believe that those morals should be upheld, and upheld strongly, within the church, but never made into legislation in an attempt to force people into religiously moral behaviour. Civil unions should be the sole property of the state. Marriage, as a religious ceremony, should be the sole property of the church. Civil unions and church marriages should be two entirely separate things, not tied together in any way.
To those who are against homosexual unions for religious reasons: You cannot legislate morals.
To those who believe that all clergy and all churches should be forced to perform a marriage ceremony for anyone who requests it: You cannot legislate tolerance.
You can't force morals. You can't force acceptance. Let the government focus on what it should be doing rather than pushing your own agenda.
Friday, 6 August 2010
Tuesday, 3 August 2010
And then there were three
Sometime in September, there will be three little rug rats 'round these parts.
No, the third one won't be ours. Maybe in a year or two, when my nursing-sensitive body decides it's ready again!
The third one is a little baby boy who will be coming to hang out with us for a couple of days each week. I will be caring for him while his mom returns to part-time work. He will be about four months old when he joins us.
I'm really excited about this. I've been keeping my eye out for childcare opportunities for a long time now, waiting for just the right arrangement to come along. This will be really good for us. The baby boy will be just a few months younger than my baby, so it will be fun for them as they get older. My boy adores other kids, so he's looking forward to it too. I feel privileged to be able to provide a safe place for this child. Since it's only part time, we'll still have plenty of time to do our own things on the days he's not with us. And, on a purely selfish note, the bit of extra income will be more than welcome.
My husband will be returning to school in the fall. The last school year ended mid-May for him, and he has been unable to find summer work since. This was definitely not something our budget had in mind. He does have part time work lined up for the fall, which will help, but unfortunately we're likely looking at student loans now. I'm not happy about it, but it is what it is. Nevertheless, we intend to use as little of the loans as we possibly can, so the extra childcare income will be, as I said, more than welcome. It was good news indeed when she contacted me after the initial interview to say that yes, she would love for us to care for her son in the fall. Praise God for His unfailing provision.
On the other hand, things could be interesting around here! Two babies and a rambunctious preschooler - oh boy. Still, two days a week will be a nice way to ease us into things, and if I need to accept another child or two at some point in the future, so be it.
In the meantime, we're looking forward to getting to know this little baby and welcoming him into our family each week. I know how difficult it must be to leave your child in the arms of a stranger for the day - I can't imagine having to do it myself - and I am grateful for the opportunity to provide this child with a safe and nurturing place to grow.
No, the third one won't be ours. Maybe in a year or two, when my nursing-sensitive body decides it's ready again!
The third one is a little baby boy who will be coming to hang out with us for a couple of days each week. I will be caring for him while his mom returns to part-time work. He will be about four months old when he joins us.
I'm really excited about this. I've been keeping my eye out for childcare opportunities for a long time now, waiting for just the right arrangement to come along. This will be really good for us. The baby boy will be just a few months younger than my baby, so it will be fun for them as they get older. My boy adores other kids, so he's looking forward to it too. I feel privileged to be able to provide a safe place for this child. Since it's only part time, we'll still have plenty of time to do our own things on the days he's not with us. And, on a purely selfish note, the bit of extra income will be more than welcome.
My husband will be returning to school in the fall. The last school year ended mid-May for him, and he has been unable to find summer work since. This was definitely not something our budget had in mind. He does have part time work lined up for the fall, which will help, but unfortunately we're likely looking at student loans now. I'm not happy about it, but it is what it is. Nevertheless, we intend to use as little of the loans as we possibly can, so the extra childcare income will be, as I said, more than welcome. It was good news indeed when she contacted me after the initial interview to say that yes, she would love for us to care for her son in the fall. Praise God for His unfailing provision.
On the other hand, things could be interesting around here! Two babies and a rambunctious preschooler - oh boy. Still, two days a week will be a nice way to ease us into things, and if I need to accept another child or two at some point in the future, so be it.
In the meantime, we're looking forward to getting to know this little baby and welcoming him into our family each week. I know how difficult it must be to leave your child in the arms of a stranger for the day - I can't imagine having to do it myself - and I am grateful for the opportunity to provide this child with a safe and nurturing place to grow.
Monday, 2 August 2010
Evidence of summer
...legs...
...hands...
...and everything else.
Eating raspberry yogurt popsicles...
...in bare feet.
Or eating wood chips instead.
Sitting in the sunshine, sipping honey milk iced tea.
Taking long walks. Often.
Sidewalk chalk...
...sprinklers...
...and skinned knees.
Hope your summer is going as wonderfully as ours!
Saturday, 31 July 2010
Magical
Today was one of THOSE days.
One of those days where the baby would. not. stop. crying.
Where the three year old held a special fondness for the word NO.
Where the hours draaaaagged by.
Where a family yard sale adventure was thwarted by an oddly low number of yard sales, where supper took longer than expected to prepare, and oh, did I mention? Where the baby would. not. stop. crying.
Finally Ishrieked calmly stated, "OUT! OUT! GET SOME CLOTHES ON AND GET OUTSIDE!"
"But -"
"NOW!!!"
I don't know what it is about the outdoors, but it is magical.
The baby stopped crying.
The three year old cheered up.
I got some reading done while sipping my favourite honey milk iced tea.
I felt relaxed, and I find this to be true every time I move our grumpy selves outdoors. Why do I always forget? On those days full of whining and arguing and crankiness, why do I always forget? Go outside. Just go outside, and all will be well.
I don't know what it is about the outdoors that makes it so darn magical...but boy, do I love it.
One of those days where the baby would. not. stop. crying.
Where the three year old held a special fondness for the word NO.
Where the hours draaaaagged by.
Where a family yard sale adventure was thwarted by an oddly low number of yard sales, where supper took longer than expected to prepare, and oh, did I mention? Where the baby would. not. stop. crying.
Finally I
"But -"
"NOW!!!"
I don't know what it is about the outdoors, but it is magical.
The baby stopped crying.
The three year old cheered up.
I got some reading done while sipping my favourite honey milk iced tea.
I felt relaxed, and I find this to be true every time I move our grumpy selves outdoors. Why do I always forget? On those days full of whining and arguing and crankiness, why do I always forget? Go outside. Just go outside, and all will be well.
I don't know what it is about the outdoors that makes it so darn magical...but boy, do I love it.
Wednesday, 28 July 2010
Torn asunder
It hurts to confess this.
Many times over the past three years, I have thought this would be easier on my own.
If I just took the boys and left, things would be easier. The bulk of the responsibilities would still lie on my shoulders, but no longer would there be someone in the other room to feel bitter and resentful towards. I would still have little time to pursue my own interests, but not because someone else filled up hours with his own. Things would be my responsibility and mine alone, by the simple fact of there being no one else. That, truly, would have to be easier to accept than this life I currently live, wouldn't it? Easier to be alone and wholly responsible, than to only feel that way?
I needn't share a list of my husband's supposed wrongdoings. I know the list of my own is at least as long. He could reconsider his priorities; I have horrendous communication skills. And we are, both of us, selfish and human.
I find I have far more patience for the immaturity of my children than I do for that of my husband. I also communicate far better with the kids than with him. I set boundaries with them better than I do with him. I don't tend towards either permissiveness or punitiveness with the kids, but too often with my husband I enable damaging behaviour because I don't want to be the nagging wife, and then I get angry and swing to the other extreme, punishing him with my silence and hostility. There are days when the neediness of children deeply wears on me, but more often than not it's the wife part that I really struggle with.
And I catch myself imagining what it would be like. What if I did just...leave? Take the kids and leave a note? A time apart to think, to consider priorities, to establish a set of healthy boundaries before coming together again? I could go back home, spend time with family...I could move near his own parents, a gesture to say I'm not gone forever...I could find my own way, just the boys and I, a small place, we could get by on my modest income from the work I do at home.
Bitterly, I think, that would teach him. He would lose us and then he'd realize, then he'd change.
Last night, I got my wish.
Praise God it was only a dream.
We were fighting - odd enough in itself; we never fight, not out loud - when he straight-out asked me if I wanted a divorce.
I hesitated for only the briefest of seconds before saying, yes.
He left. And when he came back, I had what I "wanted". I was on my own.
As he told me, casually, amicably, I first felt shock. It was over, just like that?
This was followed almost immediately with a feeling of bitterness. Of all the things to take initiative on, he chose this? All the times I had to remind him to do this, prepare everything so he could do that, or give in and just take care of things myself - this, this, he just went out and did on his own?
Finally, I felt a deep and abiding sadness. Loneliness beyond imagination. Ripped in two. We had torn asunder that which God had joined.
We spent, for whatever reason, the rest of the evening with his family. Everyone was so laid back, so friendly, so relaxed. As they talked together, I curled up in a chair, needing no blanket, wrapped in my own shock and loneliness. He was there - right there - and yet, no longer one, it felt as though he were a world away. I couldn't reach him, couldn't talk to him, couldn't claim him as my own, my husband, my darling, who had always been so kind and gentle and loving despite his tendency towards inattentiveness and solitude.
No longer would I be able to curl up against him, to rest my head on him, to be gathered into his strong and safe arms.
No longer would he be there to talk to, that man who had heard my deepest thoughts and shared my daily life.
No longer would he live with me, patiently enduring my own faults, loving me despite my own poor behaviour.
I felt I would never be whole again.
As I woke from my dream, escaping what until then had been nearly a fantasy in my mind, I felt such relief and gratefulness. He's not perfect, and there will always be issues to work through together, but I am deeply blessed to have him in my life. He is patient, kind, loving, and gentle; he desires the best for me and for his family; he is an amazing father; he is accommodating, understanding, and compassionate towards me.
I have married a man. He has weaknesses, yes, just as he has strengths. Just as I, too, have both. We compliment each other well, our strengths accommodating the other's weaknesses. He is my closest friend and constant companion. I am grateful for his presence as we journey through our life together.
No more will I longingly and bitterly imagine my life without him. I am sorry that I ever did so, ashamed and repentant. I am grateful to have been given this glimpse into that reality, the deep sadness and loneliness that follows the tearing apart of two lives joined as one.
I must take my eyes off his weaknesses and look instead to my own. How can I better communicate with my husband? How can I let my needs be known? How can I support and encourage my husband? In what ways am I seeking fulfillment from a man instead of God, as it should be?
Pray for us, if you will. Pray that I will not hold to my self-righteous silence in place of honest communication. Pray that I will not sweep hurts and angers under the rug instead of striving to work through them. Pray that I will not forget the immense sadness and loneliness of having our marriage torn asunder - for I know that the reality of it would be no less painful than that of the dream.
Many times over the past three years, I have thought this would be easier on my own.
If I just took the boys and left, things would be easier. The bulk of the responsibilities would still lie on my shoulders, but no longer would there be someone in the other room to feel bitter and resentful towards. I would still have little time to pursue my own interests, but not because someone else filled up hours with his own. Things would be my responsibility and mine alone, by the simple fact of there being no one else. That, truly, would have to be easier to accept than this life I currently live, wouldn't it? Easier to be alone and wholly responsible, than to only feel that way?
I needn't share a list of my husband's supposed wrongdoings. I know the list of my own is at least as long. He could reconsider his priorities; I have horrendous communication skills. And we are, both of us, selfish and human.
I find I have far more patience for the immaturity of my children than I do for that of my husband. I also communicate far better with the kids than with him. I set boundaries with them better than I do with him. I don't tend towards either permissiveness or punitiveness with the kids, but too often with my husband I enable damaging behaviour because I don't want to be the nagging wife, and then I get angry and swing to the other extreme, punishing him with my silence and hostility. There are days when the neediness of children deeply wears on me, but more often than not it's the wife part that I really struggle with.
And I catch myself imagining what it would be like. What if I did just...leave? Take the kids and leave a note? A time apart to think, to consider priorities, to establish a set of healthy boundaries before coming together again? I could go back home, spend time with family...I could move near his own parents, a gesture to say I'm not gone forever...I could find my own way, just the boys and I, a small place, we could get by on my modest income from the work I do at home.
Bitterly, I think, that would teach him. He would lose us and then he'd realize, then he'd change.
Last night, I got my wish.
Praise God it was only a dream.
We were fighting - odd enough in itself; we never fight, not out loud - when he straight-out asked me if I wanted a divorce.
I hesitated for only the briefest of seconds before saying, yes.
He left. And when he came back, I had what I "wanted". I was on my own.
As he told me, casually, amicably, I first felt shock. It was over, just like that?
This was followed almost immediately with a feeling of bitterness. Of all the things to take initiative on, he chose this? All the times I had to remind him to do this, prepare everything so he could do that, or give in and just take care of things myself - this, this, he just went out and did on his own?
Finally, I felt a deep and abiding sadness. Loneliness beyond imagination. Ripped in two. We had torn asunder that which God had joined.
We spent, for whatever reason, the rest of the evening with his family. Everyone was so laid back, so friendly, so relaxed. As they talked together, I curled up in a chair, needing no blanket, wrapped in my own shock and loneliness. He was there - right there - and yet, no longer one, it felt as though he were a world away. I couldn't reach him, couldn't talk to him, couldn't claim him as my own, my husband, my darling, who had always been so kind and gentle and loving despite his tendency towards inattentiveness and solitude.
No longer would I be able to curl up against him, to rest my head on him, to be gathered into his strong and safe arms.
No longer would he be there to talk to, that man who had heard my deepest thoughts and shared my daily life.
No longer would he live with me, patiently enduring my own faults, loving me despite my own poor behaviour.
I felt I would never be whole again.
As I woke from my dream, escaping what until then had been nearly a fantasy in my mind, I felt such relief and gratefulness. He's not perfect, and there will always be issues to work through together, but I am deeply blessed to have him in my life. He is patient, kind, loving, and gentle; he desires the best for me and for his family; he is an amazing father; he is accommodating, understanding, and compassionate towards me.
I have married a man. He has weaknesses, yes, just as he has strengths. Just as I, too, have both. We compliment each other well, our strengths accommodating the other's weaknesses. He is my closest friend and constant companion. I am grateful for his presence as we journey through our life together.
No more will I longingly and bitterly imagine my life without him. I am sorry that I ever did so, ashamed and repentant. I am grateful to have been given this glimpse into that reality, the deep sadness and loneliness that follows the tearing apart of two lives joined as one.
I must take my eyes off his weaknesses and look instead to my own. How can I better communicate with my husband? How can I let my needs be known? How can I support and encourage my husband? In what ways am I seeking fulfillment from a man instead of God, as it should be?
Pray for us, if you will. Pray that I will not hold to my self-righteous silence in place of honest communication. Pray that I will not sweep hurts and angers under the rug instead of striving to work through them. Pray that I will not forget the immense sadness and loneliness of having our marriage torn asunder - for I know that the reality of it would be no less painful than that of the dream.
Sunday, 18 July 2010
Lighter
Last night I went to bed feeling several pounds lighter than I had when I woke up that morning.
Yesterday, I finally sat down and sorted through my paper.
When all was said and done, I sorted through four boxes, two large accordian files, and two stacks of paper. I now have in my garage, waiting to be properly destroyed, three full boxes of paper I no longer need.
Clearly, I can't deny it - I am a paper hoarder. I had bills and bank statements going back several years. I had birthday cards from when my friends were too young to even spell my name. I had high school letters passed hand-to-hand during class. I had pages of song lyrics that I had printed out for one reason or another. Old plane tickets, bus passes, travel itineraries, movie ticket stubs - anything that I thought might in any way have some sort of meaning or importance, anything I might possibly want some day.
Yesterday, I let most of that go. It was beautifully freeing.
I now have one small half-full box of meaningful momentos. I have our tax records (finally!) sorted and organized in one accordian file and our other relevant bills and important documents in the other.
I don't know why I hold on to paper so tightly. Partly, I suppose, to remember. I feel I have so few memories over the years, and I'm afraid of forgetting the rest, so I cling to anything that might hold even the slightest meaning. A paper record of my life, of who I was, of who I knew, of what I did, of where I spent my money, of...of...of.
I have carried around this extra weight for so many years, dragging it from one house to another, adding to it as the months and years went on. And for what?
At some point, I had so much "meaningful" paper that it all ceased to have meaning. Paring it down has meant that the small box I have left has more meaning than the piles of paper I'd had hours earlier. A small box of cherished momentos to replace boxes and piles of stuff.
Ahh...how freeing.
Yesterday, I finally sat down and sorted through my paper.
When all was said and done, I sorted through four boxes, two large accordian files, and two stacks of paper. I now have in my garage, waiting to be properly destroyed, three full boxes of paper I no longer need.
Clearly, I can't deny it - I am a paper hoarder. I had bills and bank statements going back several years. I had birthday cards from when my friends were too young to even spell my name. I had high school letters passed hand-to-hand during class. I had pages of song lyrics that I had printed out for one reason or another. Old plane tickets, bus passes, travel itineraries, movie ticket stubs - anything that I thought might in any way have some sort of meaning or importance, anything I might possibly want some day.
Yesterday, I let most of that go. It was beautifully freeing.
I now have one small half-full box of meaningful momentos. I have our tax records (finally!) sorted and organized in one accordian file and our other relevant bills and important documents in the other.
I don't know why I hold on to paper so tightly. Partly, I suppose, to remember. I feel I have so few memories over the years, and I'm afraid of forgetting the rest, so I cling to anything that might hold even the slightest meaning. A paper record of my life, of who I was, of who I knew, of what I did, of where I spent my money, of...of...of.
I have carried around this extra weight for so many years, dragging it from one house to another, adding to it as the months and years went on. And for what?
At some point, I had so much "meaningful" paper that it all ceased to have meaning. Paring it down has meant that the small box I have left has more meaning than the piles of paper I'd had hours earlier. A small box of cherished momentos to replace boxes and piles of stuff.
Ahh...how freeing.
Monday, 12 July 2010
Giveaway winner and author thank-you!
The winner of the Weight of Shadows book giveaway:
Congratulations! Adrian, I have no email address for you, so please contact me today so that I can get your new book to you!
The Weight of Shadows author Alison Strobel had a few words of thanks for you all:
Thank you to all who read the review and entered the giveaway, and congratulations again to our winner Adrian!
Adrian said...
Some how I missed this review. Sounds like a really great book. I'll have to add it to my list. :)
Congratulations! Adrian, I have no email address for you, so please contact me today so that I can get your new book to you!
The Weight of Shadows author Alison Strobel had a few words of thanks for you all:
Hey there! I just wanted to say thanks to my fine blog hostess and to her readers. I have been really excited to see how many people are thinking of picking up the book because of the reviews they read during the blog tour. And thank you to everyone who entered the contest! I'll be drawing a winner on July 18 and posting it on my blog. If you haven't stopped by my blog or website yet, I hope you'll pop over sometime and say hi in the comments or on the guest book. Also, if you're interested in hearing about my next releases and any other exciting news that happens to come up, please sign up to receive my announcements--the sign-up is on my website. I have another novel coming out in September, two more next year, and two children's books that my husband and I wrote (the first of which comes out August 1), so there will be plenty of news coming, and I try to host contests now and then on my blog, too.
Thanks again! And if you do decide to pick up The Weight of Shadows and give it a read, please come tell me what you thought of it. I mean it. :)
~Alison
Thank you to all who read the review and entered the giveaway, and congratulations again to our winner Adrian!
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