Slimy Snake Brownies

You can blame Pinterest, of course.

I mean, just look at this delectable bit of food porn. These Fudgy Avocado Brownies had to be made. By me. Immediately.

Source: howsweeteats.com via Hippie on Pinterest

We were driving home from swim class when I announced my plan.

"No," says the boy. Just no, nothing else. No, putting avocados in brownies would not be an acceptable plan.

"Well, yes. I will be making them. You can help if you like. I think you'll like them."

"No," he repeated. "I want to make cookies that I can use cookie cutters on and then decorate." He's big into cookie cutters, like a typical child, I think.

"They have green icing on them. Like slime! How fun is that?" I'm really working hard at selling these things now. Yes, here I am, trying to convince my kids to eat brownies. The irony doesn't hit me until much later. "We could call them Slimy Brownies."

He thinks for a moment. "Yes! I want to make slimy brownies."

Yessssss. I win.

But then the little brother pipes up. "No! Let's call them SNAKE brownies!"

"No, Slimy Brownies!"

"No, Snake Brownies!"

"Mommy said Slimy Brownies!"

I think fast, then interrupt their back-and-forth. "We could call them Slimy Snake Brownies. Would that work?"

A chorus: "Yes!!"

Whew. Another sibling crisis averted. Peace reigns again. Well, for the next few minutes, anyway.

We did indeed make the Slimy Snake Brownies. The icing was indeed slime-green in colour. The brownies were indeed as delicious as they look. Let's call this one a Pinterest win.

What's cooking in your kitchen today?

When Lent sneaks up on you

Every year, it does it. Sneaks up on me like I can't read a calendar, can't remember that it's coming, it's coming, it's here, so soon after Christmas and yet not soon enough for my mind to have not wandered back into the mundane, away from the great mystery of birth, death, resurrection, Emmanuel.

Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday and Lent begins. We will light the candles each day, spiraling our way towards Easter. This year I will put aside the one thing that consumes too much of my time and spend it more intentionally, deliberately, and fruitfully, the continual desire of this journey I am walking.

Perhaps this season of inward preparation has caught you unawares as well? Busy with the daily and feeling like thinking about one more thing is simply too much right now? If it helps you, let me offer these ten ideas for observing Lent, my small contribution to the many great lists written by others.

1. Fast. Abstain from one thing to practice self-denial, to focus more clearly on the season, and to anticipate the joyous Easter celebration. Meat, sugar, chocolate. Internet, television, social media. Yelling, gossiping, complaining. In determining your one thing, consider whether there are any areas of imbalance in your life that might be helped through a specific sort of fast.

2. Add a spiritual discipline to your daily routine. Take a silent walk, study a book of the Bible, meditate on a portion of Scripture, confess, worship, or spend more time in focused prayer for others and for the world. Consider praying the Daily Office; make it even easier with the iPray Book of Common Prayer app.

3. Read a daily Lent devotional. Excellent options include the book Bread And Wine: Readings For Lent And Easter, the Bible plan Lent for Everyone by N. T. Wright, and the Lent devotional by Ann at A Holy Experience.

4. Include the kids. Follow a Jesus Storybook Bible Easter reading plan. Colour a Lenten calendar. Create an Easter Tree. Grow grass on Calvary Hill.

5. Declutter your physical surroundings. Cluttered physical surroundings can often sap us mentally and spiritually as well. Use these forty days to go through closets, storage spaces, drawers, bookshelves, cupboards, stacks, and cabinets to get rid of what is no longer useful or beautiful to you.

6. Give. Whether giving time (through service and volunteer work) or money, use this season to bless and serve those in need around you. Consider joining the 40 Days of Water campaign to help raise money for clean water in Uganda.

7. Practice gratitude. Keep a gratitude journal open on the counter to jot in throughout the day, or write down three gifts before going to bed each night. Express gratitude to others through words, cards, letters, or little notes.

8. Perform a daily random act of kindness. Pay for someone's meal. Send an unexpected letter. Drop off a plate of cookies. Slip a gift card in the hand of someone who could use it. Need some ideas? Check out the Random Acts of Kindness Foundation.

9. Begin with an Ash Wednesday service. Anglican, Catholic, Lutheran, and Methodist churches typically hold an Ash Wednesday service, although the practice is spreading throughout other denominations as well. Mark this first day of Lent with confession and repentance.

10. Reduce Internet and/or computer use, spending the extra time with family, friends, and God instead.


If you feel comfortable sharing, how will you be observing this Lenten season?

Ordinary moments

It is quiet in the room; that alone is unusual. The boys are playing prince and princess in their bedroom, adorned with all the sparkly finery a five- and three-year-old could want. It's just sweet girl and I enjoying a brief respite from the noise and movement of daily life.

On a whim, I glance up. There we are reflected in the (embarrassingly dirty) screen of the sleeping laptop, mama and baby girl, just sitting there together under the blanket. I have a book in one hand; the other hand rests against her head. The boy's fingerpainting grins at me from the background. I am mesmerized by the simple and ordinary beauty of it all.

How is it that life can feel both so perfect and so very hard at the same time?

Some days I am overwhelmed with gratitude for my life. These three precious children, a safe home to live in, food in the fridge and a husband who loves me. Those are the days I squeeze my kids tightly, inhale their beautiful scent, laugh and play and learn alongside them.

Some days I am overwhelmed by the noise and needs of life. These three young children, a home that needs to be cleaned and tidied, meals to prepare and the challenges of marriage. Those are the days I slip out of the house after the kids are sleeping, leaving their dad to care for them while I drive in the dark and the silence until my heart has slowed and my head has cleared.

There are days, weeks even, when I want to crawl into bed and hide underneath the covers, stay there warm and safe so I don't have to deal with anything. But I can't. I have to get up and get dressed and feed the children and face all these big things and little things and physical things and emotional things and stupid things and all the rest.

And oh, what I'd miss if I didn't get up. Ordinary moments with a cuddly baby and a good book. Hugs from a three year old as he tells me he loves me and I'm precious. These boys of mine side-by-side in a blanket fort, big one reading to little one, laughter and make-believe and friendship. I'd miss watching my babybug roll and squirm all over the floor, grinning and babbling at everyone who catches her eye.

All these gifts, and yet the bad parts take such predominance in my mind some days. Funny how that happens.

Life is good. Even with the tired days, the bad news, the whatever, it's still so good to be here. Just so very worth it.

Just writing along with The EO...

What I Am Into - January 2013

What I Am Into :: JANUARY 2013
On My Nightstand:

I'm still (still!) working my way through N. T. Wright's "Surprised by Hope: Rethinking Heaven, the Resurrection, and the Mission of the Church". Again, beautifully hopeful and deeply illuminative. I am also slowly reading Kathleen Norris's The Quotidian Mysteries: Laundry, Liturgy and "Women's Work", which I adore so far.

The boys and I are currently reading Pippi Longstocking as a read-aloud during the day. We all love it. (Would you believe this is actually my first time reading it? Shameful, I know. I've watched the movie, if that counts for anything!) This particular edition is made even better by illustrations from Lauren Child, creator of Charlie and Lola. We're big Charlie and Lola fans, and now we're all big Pippi fans too.

Want to Read:

N. T. Wright's follow-up book, After You Believe: Why Christian Character Matters, is still waiting for me to get through Surprised by Hope. I'm just too tired to do much reading at night! We used to read for a good hour before turning off the light each night, but now I just can't keep my eyes open for it. I'm going to have to start reading more during the day instead.

On the screen:

I've just completed my nostalgic rewatching of the Boy Meets World series. You know that feeling you get when you finish a really good book series? I felt the same way when the last episode of Boy Meets World ended. Kinda sad, kinda lost, kinda unsure of what to do with myself. The husband and I are on our second round through Doctor Who. Otherwise, not much going on here screen-wise. People are really tempting me with both Downtown Abbey and Parenthood though; any recommendations for one over the other?

In My Kitchen:

You know, it's really been kinda boring in my kitchen lately. Sad but true. I have, however, finally perfected my meatball recipe, but I'm going to give that its own post another day. I dunno why. I'm just in that sort of mood.

In My Ears:

The song Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing has somehow worked its way deep into my heart this month. And then to find Mumford & Sons singing Sufjan Stevens' arrangement of it? Well, it doesn't get much better than that.



Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love.
Here's my heart, oh take and seal it,
Seal it for thy courts above.
What I'm Looking Forward to in February:

Well, the husband and I will be celebrating our anniversary early in the month. And by "celebrating", I mean "possibly going out for dinner with the kids but not really much else". Such is life with little ones. Then there's Valentine's Day, which always feels a bit redundant following so soon after our anniversary. Otherwise, man, I'm just really not feeling February. January suuuuuucked. I started the month off all "whee, freedom, opportunities, everything is going so very well, happy happy joy joy!". I ended the month more like "uuuuuugh, blaaaaaah, boooooo, suuuuuckage." Big stuff, little stuff, valid stuff, stupid stuff, emotional stuff, physical stuff, I mean January had it all. So February? Whatever. Can't be worse than January, so that's the something. OKAY I TAKE THAT BACK IT COULD BE WORSE PLEASE DON'T LET ANYTHING ELSE BAD HAPPEN. Seriously, life. *whimper*

Well, friends, that is What I've Been Into this past month. What about you?

Linking up to What I'm Into with HopefulLeigh...

Weekend Reading

The Writing Process @ Rhythm of the Home

Every writer has her own process, but most involve lousy rough drafts and circuitous routes to something better. It’s true of even the best. It’s hard to imagine why most of us were taught to begin school papers by submitting outlines. We were forced to decide what we’d say before the writing could show us what we really wanted to say. Advice-givers will tell you that to achieve anything, you need goals and resolutions. I’m not convinced. Maybe it’s better to simply start with the work, whether that work be writing, or painting, or planting gardens, or parenting. We learn to write by writing; we learn to live by living. Maybe it’s best to skip making plans and simply dig in, do the work, make a hot mess that scares us and see what we can do with it. Let the process tell us how to proceed.

Having My Twenties to Myself @ A Deeper Family

Myself, the one who has seen and felt first-hand the love a parent lavishes on their child. Myself, who has learned that she must put a vice grip around Grace and never, ever let go. Myself, who learned that she is capable of far more than she ever thought possible. Myself, who sometimes finds it hard to tell where she ends and her family begins.

In a very real sense, I have both lost and found myself in my twenties.

In which I hope she remembers, today at church @ Sarah Bessey

And let her remember how I cried my mascara right off, and how I was such a gigantic mess in my real life but I kept trying anyway because I had stars in my eyes, wild in love, and how I sang too-loud, and clutched my breast with relief at being reminded again how He is faithful. And let her remember that He is enough, because He was enough for her crazy imperfect mama.

Parenting Beyond Me @ A Deeper Family

Everyday and in every area of their lives, I want God to be present and welcomed. In the mundane routine and the dire circumstance, God needs to be. God has no number of priority in our lives. He is not fit into our schedule at bedtime or as a corrective reference point. God is not a priority to appease. My goal is for him to be supremely present in everything.

The older I get, the badder I get

He'd had a rough morning. It started off on the wrong foot and there we were, mother and oldest son, butting heads over and over. He was exerting his independence. I was lacking in patience. He was stuck. I was quick to anger. Neither of us were behaving well, and me all the worse for being the adult.

There was a break, a few minutes of silence, a chance for each of us to collect ourselves. Then he came to me.

"I feel like the older I get, the badder I get."

His face crumpled with those words. I opened my arms and he climbed onto my lap; it's been too long since I've rocked him like that. He cried as I whispered words of peace, then as quickly as he'd come, he wriggled off my lap and was gone.

We talked about it later, but my words felt hollow, empty platitudes in the face of such sadness and self-awareness. His growing capacity for good as well, the age-old struggle between the two creatures within, choices and forgiveness and I don't know what I'm doing here. He seemed content, though, and it was a good talk. The rest of the day passed smoothly.

But as I lay in bed that night, I couldn't get his words out of my head. The older I get, the badder I get. I realized, slowly, that his words rang true for me as well.

The older I get, the badder I get.

Or perhaps more correctly worded, the older I get, the more aware I am of my badness, my capacity to do wrong even as I desire to do right.

My wrongdoings may be more subtle now, no longer as blatant as those of my earlier years. They may be easier to hide, to ignore, to excuse or brush off as not really that bad. But they are and I am and the awareness only grows as I get older.

I am more aware, too, of the range of my wrongdoings. What I once thought was right now seems horrific to my older self. Did I truly believe that? say that? do that?

The older I get, the badder I get.

There are lessons, too, that I am taught repeatedly and yet never seem to learn. For how long will I continue in my stubbornness? I am increasingly disappointed, for example, in how easily I turn to despair. Forget it, why do I even bother, it's always going to turn out this way. Bitterness and cynicism join in and do I forget so quickly about hope, joy, and that inner peace that passes all understanding? Time and time again and I am running out of excuses.

The older I get, the badder I get.

But that's not my whole story.

Because - to borrow a five-year-old's poor grammar - the older I get, the gooder I get too.

The older I get, the more my eyes are open to the spectrum around me. No longer black and white, I see greys too, and reds and yellows and blues and everything in between. The strident nature of youth is falling away, can't help but fall away, as I grow in understanding and compassion, grace and mercy. There is so much more than I imagined, God is so much bigger than I knew, and there is mystery and beauty and yes, goodness.

The older I get, the gooder I get.

God grows me, stretches me, opens my eyes and my ears and my heart as he guides me along the path. He has begun this work in me, I am truly a new creation, and the old (wo)man is being left behind. Slowly, oh so painfully slowly, I walk towards wholeness in the promise that He will complete this work in the age to come. I see His Goodness and I know His desire for my wholeness, that day when I will no longer wrestle inwardly with the old and the new.

But for now I am both.

The older I get, the badder I get.
The older I get, the gooder I get.
And I know which one wins in the end.

Laid low

The boy woke up with a fever this morning. He laid down on the floor in front of the fireplace and stayed there for the rest of the day, baseball cap on and tissue box nearby. He ate a pear and half a sandwich and sometimes fell asleep for a brief time. I spent much of the day chasing off his little brother, who just wanted to play and wrestle with his much-adored big brother. It was an odd change from my usual duty of getting the older one to back off the younger a bit. That poor boy, he was laid right low.

The younger one wanted a sandwich after dinner, just like his big brother. He nibbled at it a bit before abandoning it at the table in favour of Duplo. It was gone when he went back for it later. Did you eat his sandwich?, I called to the husband. He came into the room, sheepish, to admit that he had. The poor child received the news poorly. Fell straight forward onto the floor and sobbed his broken heart out, drowning out offers of a replacement. Devastation comes swiftly when one is only three years old; he was laid low by the injustice of it all.

Unexpected news yesterday left me sleepless last night, reeling from the blow and wondering what it would all mean in the end. I got out of bed early this morning to prepare for company that never arrived. Emotional and physical exhaustion wrestled for top spot and by the time the husband got home, I was spent. I napped on the couch, laid low by discouragement and never enough sleep.

But tomorrow is a new day, always, always. We'll recover from illness and disappointment and discouragement. We'll count blessings along the way because it's the only thing that keeps us standing tall, giving thanks to God (for He is good, His mercy endures forever).